Why is it every question people start with when you say you were raped is ‘Were you drinking?’? Yes. I was drinking. Does that make me any less of a human being? Does that make me a willing participant to such an act? I shared my story with one person, a friend when we were drunk. I know they remember, but now we don’t talk about it. And that almost makes it worse than not telling anyone at all. My flatmates, they know something happened that night. They tucked me into bed and lay beside me until I’d fallen asleep, and the next day when the tears finally came. They didn’t push me to talk about it. But now I can’t talk about it. It seems almost too late. Something you need to know about me- I befriend everyone on a night out. It’s as though alcohol turns my usual empathetic nature onto hyper alert…. Continue reading »
She sent a Warning, and Paid for it
I came back to the apartment late from work, and my roommate was standing there. She was sweating, and shaking, and looked scary nervous. Visions of my mom telling me I was going to invite an axe murderer in came to mind. Her hands were twitching at her belt(why comes later), and then she gripped her shirt and waved her fist around her throat, claiming she was feeling like she was going to get sick. She flattened her hand like she was angry, and pointed towards me ordering me to just leave her alone. At this point I recognized she was using ASL(American Sign Language) for Danger then Run, and later found she was signing R, U, N at her belt. I turned for the door, and a man in a mask burst out of the closet! I got stuck at the door, because I locked the bolt verses an intruder! He grabbed me, with… Continue reading »
One week and three days
It’s been one week and three days since you raped me. I don’t know who you are and probably never will. I will never know why you chose me or exactly what you did to me. I am nineteen. I remember meeting an amazing diverse group of people. My boyfriend (of three years) and I had taken our first holiday together to a hostel and on our second night we decided to go out with our new friends. Yes I drank a lot but who cares if I did or not? I knew my limits, my boyfriend was sober and we watched each other’s drinks all night. I danced, I drank, I laughed, I tried to speak some terrible French, I remember all of it, everything. I remember staying out later than everyone else with my boyfriend talking and staring at the stars. I remember climbing into the bottom bunk with my phone in hand,… Continue reading »
I Don’t Even Know His Name
It has now been almost a year since it happened. As the year mark creeps closer, the memories of that night and the following day flood my mind. I don’t even know what happened. Some would say it’s my own fault to have gotten myself in such a position. I’ve said the same thing to myself. Even now I still feel an overwhelming guilt. If I hadn’t have had that last drink, maybe I would remember the night. I made that decision, to put myself in that condition. But I know I was falling all over the dance floor. He had to have known I was too drunk. I don’t even remember at what point in the night I met him or how we ended up at his apartment. I don’t recall even being in a car. I have vague recollections of the act. Maybe he thought I was enjoying myself. Maybe I was asking… Continue reading »
Camp rape
I wasn’t old. Maybe… 14-16? I remember I went to a camp. A school one, other schools were there too, it’s was an end of the year thing. On the first night I needed to use the restroom, so I left the cabin and walked towards the restrooms. I was about to walk in when a sharp metal knife pressed against my neck and someone’s hand covered my mouth. They pushed me into a trail and onto the ground and proceeded to take my clothes off. When they were done they ran off. No one saw. Or if they did, they didn’t say anything. I grabbed my clothes and put them back on, some were a little ripped but I hoped that in the darkness other people wouldn’t notice. I walked back to my cabin and quietly sobbed. This is the only time I have mentioned this. — Survivor, age 21
I Was Raped By An Stranger
I was raped by a stranger. I was going home from the store, when I heard a noise in my backseat. I attempt to look back and there he was with a knife telling me to stop the car. I stopped the car And he put the knife around my neck and used the other hand to pull down my clothes. I felt numb, I cried yelling please stop he wouldn’t so I laid there letting him force himself inside of me. I hate myself. I fault myself for it, why me? — Survivor, age 26
I am a survivor
I was first raped at the age of twelve, my school friend’s uncle, promised to take us to the movies, instead he took us to an isolated beach and grabbed me first, I tried fighting him but he was too strong for me, he hit me in my stomach and as i fell to the sand, he jumped on me and tore my clothes. He went on to rape me mercilessly. I had my eyes shut and screamed helplessly but he kept putting his hand to my mouth to shut me up. I must have fainted cause h next thing I saw was he running away. I dragged myself to the water, sobbing all the time, when suddenly I heard screams, I ran in the direction of the screams and there lay my friend also raped. Together we cried uncontrollably and comforted each other. That day we made a pact never to tell a soul… Continue reading »
Rape Survivor
August 14th, 2017 August 14th started off as an ordinary evening filled with friends and laughter, then ended with fear, pain, and loneliness. I never had guessed it would be a day that I would never forget. The 14th started off as an ordinary evening filled with laughter and friends, then ended with fear, pain, and loneliness. I met up with friends on a beach to enjoy the delightful evening Florida weather. A few hours later illegal drugs, and underage intoxication started. I am not one to get involved in such actions, so I decided it would be best to go home. Little did I know that walk to the car would change my life forever. I had just finished walking over the wooden pathway from the beach to the parking lot when I felt something metal go tightly around my neck. It was so tight that I could not speak, let alone barely breath…. Continue reading »
25 years of fear
For over 35 years I have been an electrical engineer. I became engineer when it was not easy for a female to get a job. The only jobs I could get to support my family required I travel to jobs at plants across the US for few months at each place. Feb 14 1993 while at a job I return to hotel after work. Later that night I was awoke by banging on door. Two men identified themselves as law enforcement officer so I open the door. They beat and raped me repeatedly for hours. I was so scared when I had to go to the hospital for stitchs it would be discovered I was raped. Of course the kind nurse and doctor suspected and talked me into a exam but when I heard the officer was coming to take a statement I slipped out in fear. I quit my job and left took another… Continue reading »
f*ck you
You might not remember…I barely do. I was insecure then. I drank a lot…maybe more than I should have. But I didn’t think it would happen to me. I remember being at a party. The next thing I know I was in your bed. You were on top of me. I told you I was a virgin that I didn’t want to have sex. I don’t know if we did. I remember how you smelled. I remember not wanting it. I don’t know what we did. I tried to forget. But I kept seeing you on campus. It came back to me slowly- who you were. But eventually I remembered. I remembered waking up from a blackout with you on top of me. I don’t know how I got home after. I don’t know what you did to me when I was in your room, your bed. The next day my roommates told me I… Continue reading »