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25 years of fear

For over 35 years I have been an electrical engineer. I became engineer when it was not easy for a female to get a job. The only jobs I could get to support my family required I travel to jobs at plants across the US for few months at each place. Feb 14 1993 while at a job I return to hotel after work. Later that night I was awoke by banging on door. Two men identified themselves as law enforcement officer so I open the door. They beat and raped me repeatedly for hours. I was so scared when I had to go to the hospital for stitchs it would be discovered I was raped. Of course the kind nurse and doctor suspected and talked me into a exam but when I heard the officer was coming to take a statement I slipped out in fear. I quit my job and left took another… Continue reading »

f*ck you

You might not remember…I barely do. I was insecure then. I drank a lot…maybe more than I should have. But I didn’t think it would happen to me. I remember being at a party. The next thing I know I was in your bed. You were on top of me. I told you I was a virgin that I didn’t want to have sex. I don’t know if we did. I remember how you smelled. I remember not wanting it. I don’t know what we did. I tried to forget. But I kept seeing you on campus. It came back to me slowly- who you were. But eventually I remembered. I remembered waking up from a blackout with you on top of me. I don’t know how I got home after. I don’t know what you did to me when I was in your room, your bed. The next day my roommates told me I… Continue reading »

Cavemen

By BF and me went to drink beers at the Door to Hell, a cave in the woods(it might have a name, but that’s what we called it). Basically a private place for the kids to drink, and the homeless clean the clans for salvage cash. We all drank a full can, and then I went to a 2nd, while we listened to music. My BF keeps drinking, until he passed out. It was shortly after that this guy starts talking about doing me while me BF was out on the floor. I tried to wake him, but he was too out. There was 5 of them, and there was nothing I could do to stop them pulling my clothes off. They took pictures and video of there assault. They made sure each went at least twice. When they were tired, they dropped me $2, and left. I couldn’t walk, so I just lied there… Continue reading »

Why does this keep happening to me?

I was about…6 I think. The first time it happened. My uncle was living with us after he came back from the islands. The first time he molested me was in our living room. It was in the middle of the night and I was watching a show, everyone were in their rooms getting ready to go to bed. He came in and sat next to me and watched the movie with me, until his hands started to wander. I was 6.. he told me to stay still and so I did. I was silently crying.. This went on for about a year until he finally moved out. I thought that was it, that it would never happen again… I was wrong. Fast forward to a couple years after he moved out.. I was at a family party with my grandparents. I ended up watching tv while everyone was outside, until one of my Aunts… Continue reading »

Surviving sexual assault trauma

Tonight, I was reading a book called full frontal feminism. I felt empowered and strong until I reached a certain chapter. The chapter was about sexual assault and domestic violence. I could feel a ping in my heart as I began reading because I knew it would bring back up emotional trauma I haven’t properly dealt with. This is the story about the night I was sexually assaulted, and as hard as it is I have to share it. I was thirteen years old, I was with my two best friends at the time. We were staying the night at my friend’s house, where I’ve stayed the night many times before. I grew up thinking I would have to fear the strange men on the street, but I wasn’t prepared to fear my friends dad, a familiar man. I remember the events leading up to that night, we went to taco bell and then went… Continue reading »

Friend of mines set me up

I was about 18 years old 2 years ago and me and this girl became really close. We didnt talk im school much but after we graduate she wanted to hang out more. One day she tells me she wants me to go to the beach with her and a couple of her guy friends. It wasnt a big deal for me so i said sure . at the time me or her didnt drive but her guy friends did. They wanted to pick me up . i did feel iffy about it but she was my friend and she trusted them. So they came to pick me up from my house the next day. At first they were nice to me they offered to buy alcohol and food for me and my friend. She wasnt in the car she was at home supposly getting ready. She txt me saying i should wait for her… Continue reading »

He doesn’t even know he raped me

I was very drunk one night at a party and as I swiped through my tinder I matched with this boy. He messaged me really quickly and told me he was a senior and that he thought I was pretty and that we should hang out. I was really drunk but I was over the party and told him he could meet me at my dorm and we could watch a movie. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen but I was drunk and agreed to let a stranger into my home. My friend and her boyfriend walked me half way home and I remember her joking with me to be safe. I actually laughed and told her I would be fine. As I walked up to my dorm, I saw this really tall guy standing at the entrance. I was kinda nervous when I saw him because he was so tall… Continue reading »

I let it happen twice

The first time I was raped, it was St. Patrick’s Day. I was 19. A friend invited me to a house party with her boyfriend and his friends. The house was just off a county road that led straight into my hometown. I was one of the last people outside. At the time, I was kind of flirty. My intention was never to lead people on, I made it clear I had a boyfriend (now ex). It eventually got down to just me and one other guy at the fire. We were talking and having a good time for a while, but then I started getting uncomfortable. I said I was going to go to bed soon, because he started acting too sexual. I reminded him of my boyfriend, told him I wasn’t a cheater. He said that it was cool, and that he should probably get to bed as well. He came up behind… Continue reading »

The children are the priority here

Thank You for Speak Out/Share Your Story, you are an Inspiration! My husband is a trucker and spends days to weeks on the road crossing the country. He feels bad about leaving us for so long, but he does it to be an excellent provider. It was a Sunday night. I had my 2 daughters in bed, and had my visit from the Pastor, who blessed my coming child. Church like most things were far to travel like that. I went to sleep in my pillow fort. I woke to a knife at my throat, and he ordered me to be quiet. I nodded my acceptance, and he had seen my daughters, and warned me to cooperate. I told him I would, and I asked him what he wanted. He already had my purse, and I pointed to my jewelry. I won’t quote him, but he explained what he intended to do. I begged him… Continue reading »

Two Times

I have been raped 2 times in total, both in the same place, both by strangers. The first time was hang rape, they chased after me pinned me down and took turns with me. They told me it was my fault for wearing a skirt that showed some of my thighs or a top which was a bit lowcut. Each time I was penetrated it hurt like hell, I screamed for them to stop but each time I screamed they just laughed. I was there for hours as they did as they pleased with me, then they left me there broken so I had to go home alone and I could barely walk. I had a shower when I got back, I must have been in there for over an hour just trying to wash myself. I was only 13 when this happened and my dreams have never let me forget it. The second time… Continue reading »