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High School Orientation

I was at freshman orientation of high school and I was a little lost, the only other person in the hall was a senior who was wearing a Hoodie and he seemed kinda nice, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt so I didn’t think anything about him. I asked him for directions and he smiled and said: “yeah follow me it’s right this way”. He took me to some abandoned part of the building and I said ” is this it” and he smiles wickedly and said no. That second I went running and he bashed my head into a locker and I fell on the floor from the trauma. He took my shirt off and my pants and raped me for what seemed like hours, I would scream no and he would cover my mouth and continue. At one point he gagged me with a shirt so I wouldn’t scream. after… Continue reading »

Does “No” mean nothing?

No should mean no, right? 2 weeks before the start of my Sophomore year I was sexually assaulted. I wanted to hang out with my best friend I went to high school with before school started. The original plan was that she was going to a sleepover at my house or I was going to go over to her house. That didn’t happen. The day before we were supposed to hang out she wanted her boyfriend there with us. She told me to drive to his house and meet them there and I’d just sleep over there with them. We started drinking and I was drunk but not that drunk. Her boyfriend wanted to invite his friend over. I didn’t really want his friend to come over but I didn’t want to be rude and say no. I didn’t know who his friend was at all and I never met his friend before. We went… Continue reading »

But I Was Drunk

I was leaving my last appointment of the day for work. I got in my car, called my boyfriend of five months and was for some reason or another upset with him. I had also recently left a long term relationship of four years prior to entering this new relationship. After getting off the phone with my boyfriend, I called my ex whom I saw somewhat regularly still as we shared a dog and he would allow me time at his home on occasion to come play with our fur child. To get to the point of the story: I was raped when I went to my ex’s home. I recall watching old ninja turtle episodes on the couch. Discussing our day. And of course – him making me drinks. I don’t think I was roofied – I just know that I drank half a bottle of 100 proof Captain weighing 120lbs. I recall telling… Continue reading »

You are with me!!

Dear Rapist, I hate you. I hate how you took advantage. I hate how you violated me. I hate how I no longer see the world as beautiful any more. I hate how I only see the evil. I hate how every day I live with what you done to me. I hate how I can’t go out without feeling vulnerable or exposed. I hate how you haunt my dreams. I hate how I will never be the girl I was 1 year ago. But most of all I hate how you control my life. For you it might of been a quick impulsive thing that you don’t think about anymore. For me you took my life away and I’ve had to stand by and watch it burn. You’ve broken me. Every day I paste a smile on my face while I die on the inside. I want to scream! How dare you! You vile… Continue reading »

I met evil at a young age

Hi. I’m Marie and I’m 16 years old. I’m a victim of sexual assault. Rape. It happened when I was eleven years old. About a month before my 12th birthday. I knew this guy from a park I used to play in with my friends. He was a couple years older than me. One day I stole his baseball cap just for fun… I never knew what that little thing could lead to. Obviously, he was faster and stronger so he got me pretty fast and took it back. I laughed but he was pissed. When it was time to go home, I walked alone and it was dark, I didn’t realize he was following me. Then it happened. I didn’t exactly know what it was, but I remember that it hurt. God damn, it hurt so much. Every single day, from that day, it has crossed my mind at least once a day. I… Continue reading »

Was it my fault?

I have been with my boyfriend from the age of 13, I am now 20years old. He is the love of my life. Just over 1 year ago our perfect bubble was shattered. I was out drinking with my step sister. I remember feeling like the alcohol had definitely hit me but It was no more than a buzz. Then all of a sudden I was stumbling around. My body kept going limp and I kept collapsing on the floor. Then I’d be up walking normally again. In all the times I have drunk alcohol, I have never been like that. looking back now I do believe I was drugged. Who done it? I don’t know as I never seen my attacker before then. I bumped into my boyfriend’s mum while I was out and she tried to take me home but I kept saying no I’m fine. I wasn’t fine, she was picking me… Continue reading »

Why me

So, a little over 9 years ago was the day my life changed forever. I was out with some friends we got chatting to some guys at in the bar I went to get a round of drinks for my friends and one of the guys followed me to the bar and we got chatting. I took the drinks over to my friends and continued chatting to this guy, I told him I had to go the bathroom and he put his hand out to hold my drink which I gave him. I went to the bathroom when I came back I took back my drink and continued our conversation before too long I started to feel really drunk which I thought was odd as this was only my third drink I then started to feel dizzy so thought I would just head home and call it a night. I said goodbye to this guy… Continue reading »

A letter to my rapist

I cannot even put into words how much you have hurt me. You have completely broken me and I hope by writing this I can explain at least a bit of how your assault affected my life. What you did to me has shattered the way in which I see the world. I have always had anxiety, I’ve grown up with it and learned to deal with it. However, the anxiety you make me feel is so much more than I have ever experienced. Every time I walk down the street I think about being raped. Sometimes the thoughts are fleeting, they just sweep by and go to the back of my mind. However, on bad days, every time I walk past a guy that looks in any way similar to you I feel sick. Luckily I am good at hiding it, I can force myself to be calm on the outside while on the… Continue reading »

Childhood Rape

This is hard so I’m not going to try to drag this out to much. In the early 90’s a guy(only know his first name) dragged us out of a pool located at 500 pacific avenue in Virginia Beach. I was around 6 and my sister was 8. It’s crazy how people actually suppress things or choose to forget. I forgot for years until recently when something triggered it, then the flood gates opened, as I recalled everything. His name, animals in his apartment, what floor, ect… it horrible and crazy and thoughts can just “come back” like they did. Now it’s ruining my life. I’m talking with family and finding coping mechanisms but what he took from me will haunt me forever. Part of me wants to find him. The other part just wants to move on. — Survivor, age 31

I am still running

…at around 12:30am, May 4, 2017, when I was already sleeping, a man accessed my villa. When I opened my eyes I saw the attacker’s face and a knife. Threatening me with the knife, the intruder forced himself on me and repeatedly raped me. I was trying to escape the villa and once or twice managed to open the door and make several steps outside. However, the rapist took me back to the villa threatening me with the knife. Number of times he said that he would kill me. I was screaming loud but apparently, due to the size of the resort and remote location of my villa no one could hear me. After an hour and a half of our struggle and him rapping me, I managed to escape the villa and run to the hotel reception. It took me almost 20 minutes to get to the restaurant area, where I thought I could… Continue reading »