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Was it my fault?

Up until right now, I’ve never spoke of what happened to me. I’ve never told anyone. I really don’t know why. Maybe because I felt to blame. Maybe because I’m not sure it could even be considered rape. I really don’t know. The only thing I do know is that it made me feel terrible and disgusting. When I was 18 I went on a beach trip with some friends. We were all excited to party and meet cute guys. It was me and two of my friends. We all shared a hotel room. A few rooms down we noticed a group of cute guys were staying. We started flirting with these guys one night, and they ended up drinking with us in our hotel room. One guy in particular was so cute to me. I flirted with him the whole time. At one point during the night he said he wanted to go back… Continue reading »

An Embarrassing Situation

Let me start my story as my experience is a little non typical, and I feel for those who had a harder fate, as I got very lucky. Most who I tell this to take it well, it was a learning experience! I made an incredible mistake! I walked to my car in the lot, and stood there several minutes digging in the bottom of my purse for the keys, absolutely oblivious to my surroundings(you take out the keys before you leave a public crowded area), and though I must have done this often this was THE time it was bad! He came up unseen, put a gun to my head, hand over my mouth, and bodily dragged me down an access corridor and into a janitor closet! He pushed me inside and locked the door. I had every concept of exactly what we were there for! All that ran through my mind was I… Continue reading »

#MeToo 5 years later…

#METOO i shared my story on this site a few years ago about the time i was raped by a stranger. i’m surprised at how easy those four letters rolled off my fingertips as if i was just writing anything. over the years i have been in therapy a lot on and off and have tried all different types, from holistic, to energy, to art therapy and of course regular talk therapy. sadly, i still have ways to go – its a long road for me and over the course of therapy i learned that what i thought was one isolated stranger rape that caused me to have all these problems i have today, i learned that i was raped and assaulted numerous times beginning in my teenage years and because i was young and naive the first time anything happened to me i always assumed that’s the way things were supposed to be. today… Continue reading »

I wish she wouldve helped me

My sexual assault is the one time in my life where I had no power. Runaway, say No, hit him? But It’s not my fault, I didn’t want this. Why do I have to fight against someone who is an animal? I didn’t even know this would happen. I was hanging out at a cool guys house. It was me, my best friend, and a few other people. We were all friends, but for me, I was close with a few people, but others I didn’t have their cell phone number. My close friends left around 1 am. But I wish I would’ve just gone with them. It was my first time getting drunk, but growing up I either saw a whole bunch of empty beer bottles or no alcohol at all. They offered me shots. I don’t even remember this, but apparently, I took all the shots. No one else took any. I was… Continue reading »

My Father’s Funeral

After a long illness, my Father passed away, and I flew into his funeral. My bags were stolen out of the airport. I only had my bags, and the clothes I was traveling in. I had to go to the mall and get some appropriate outfit the morning before the service. Fortunately, I had my cards. I called for a taxi, and waited in the taxi stop, and got picked up by a talkative driver, and I gave the whole timeline, before I realized he pulled into a garage. It was an abandoned building, and I figured what was going down. He spent over an hour raping me there, took my purse, though I talked him into letting me keep the outfit for the funeral, in trade promised not to report it. I walked out, with no idea where I was, nor had my phone or cards. I had to walk to a Gas Convenience… Continue reading »

My year abroad

Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault…Did I say yes? I must of, right? I was studying in Rome for the academic year, what was meant to be the best year of my life. I had been at a party and obviously was drinking, a friend and I decided to go out to a new club, I was tipsy but I wouldn’t say drunk. I remember getting into the club and it being a bit weird but we just thought it might have been the fact it was during the week. My friend and I were dancing and then suddenly she went off not feeling well. She was sitting down. I carried on dancing. I think a man gave me a drink. I don’t remember leaving the club or my friend. Next thing I know i’m crying on a bed, a man is having sex with me. I felt so disorientated that it took… Continue reading »

My rape story

So my story is really weird and awkward, because it really goes back to when I was dating this guy in 9th grade 2 years ago who made it seem I always had to please him and make him happy and I mean we broke up eventually when he did it, but you know we were still friends and we still fooled around and he would do things and say I made him do it… Well, there’s your background. Anyway, this past summer i went to this concert and i started dancing with this guy, because I love dancing and its fun. But we head back to his tent to walk around and chat and just you know chill. Then we start kissing, because he was drunk and awkward from being high and he had been really friendly, but then he starts pulling both of our clothes off and I’m not really fine anymore and… Continue reading »

New Years Eve

We had gone to the big gathering to drink, party, and watch fireworks as 12 passed. There was about 12 or so in our group, but a lot got separated in the crowds, which got more solid as the moment approached, meanwhile everyone got more liquids as well. Midnight rang out, and I kissed all the guys with us, followed by the girls, and then whoever was in reach, and it got more, as I was passed forward to meet more. I was having a lot of fun at that point. I must end the witness story, as the last I can remember is kissing a lot, and a few wandering hands, which I stopped, for the most part. Past that, I woke up in the shower, got undressed(yes, that was the order), and fell asleep on my couch. I got together for brunch with the girls, and we synched diaries on the night. One… Continue reading »

Dream / Recall

I was running running running Past the halls, the screams, the stairs My hand was busy on something -Probably the piece of glass I used to cut him. And then she ripped her necklace off Just as they ripped out clothes off Shattered glass -Another way of showing their power-She said And it was oh so violent He grabbed my hair The floor was cold and There was blood everywhere All I had to do was swallow That was just too much All I had to do I would not; I did. And the taste of his sperm I did not bear -I wanna throw up. -Don’t you dare. (-Why won’t he kill me?) I stood up. And it hurt and they pushed me and I fell and I hit myself and I held to the window and someone passed by and broke it (And they broke me) and they smashed my body against the… Continue reading »

Lost in Europe

I was traveling across France heading into Italy, mostly hitching and traveling in a general direction. I was somewhere near the border, but that was about what I knew. I stopped to ask a man for directions, and he asked me to pay him for his help. I said I had no money, which he found funny. He took off my pack, and told me to get ready. I asked “for what?”, which he also found funny. He kicked out my legs, and elbowed me in the belly. He took off all my clothes, and threatened to beat me to death. He raped me several times, which I had never done any of this sexuality before, forcing me to renew his erection by oral, so he could continue. This could only be described as disgusting. He kept me there until after dark, laughing as he took my pack and all my clothes, leaving me beaten,… Continue reading »