I had been traveling nonstop for weeks. I was running on empty but still managed to pull myself together after a four-hour flight to meet a couple of my friends for dinner. Little did I know, it would only take that one night for my life to change drastically. I wish I never entered the back seat of that car thinking the driver would bring me home safely. I wish the norm was not trusting strangers to chauffeur us around town. I wish I knew I was entering the car of a monster – alone. Prior to the most horrific night (early morning) I could ever imagine, everything in my life was wonderful. I was the happiest I had ever been. I was working towards achieving my goals, I was excited about my future, and I was strong. In the first few hours of May 13, 2017, my world turned upside down. Numb, empty, mortified,… Continue reading »
Today is my time to cry
I am crying my eyes out as I just realized that it is the 27th anniversary of my rape, my 58th birthday and I have just found your film. As a religious Jew wearing a sheitel, I feel protected (hidden) but when I approached my 21rst birthday, I was a symphony orchestra player on full scholarship in the US. I made techuva in France in 2000 I had a concert that night, went back to my studio, and fell asleep. I woke up to a Man on top of me with his hands around my neck. It was either give in or die (fight or flee). My body remained, Part of me came back today. I have never put this on paper before today. The humiliation, the lack of parental compassion and having to meet my parents to celebrate my birthday as though nothing had happened. I couldn’t stay playing on stage, I feared he… Continue reading »
April 8th, 2016
This date changed my life. This was the date that lifted the rug, and uncovered all of the ill, suppressed memories and emotions that I had brushed under it. This was the date that opened my eyes to the exact number of times that I had been sexually assaulted: 6. Society creates these stigmas, stereotypes and ‘profiles’ of rapists and the victims who fell to them. I believed those stereotypes until this day that opened my eyes forever. I was in love once. He was a genuine, caring, selfless and loving man who knew me and my experiences inside and out. We agreed to stop seeing each other after I received a message from his girlfriend. After time had healed my wounds, I agreed to meet him at ‘our’ bar. This man was the only man that I had willingly given myself to in the past, and I arrived at this realization after I had… Continue reading »
Raped at 17
My name is Lauren Bimmlet. I am 27 years old, a Navy veteran and a rape survivor. When I was 17, I was raped in the backseat of a car. I had come from a friends graduation party and his friend offered to take me home. I was a little under the influence and he seemed nice so I said yes. I was going in and out of consciousness but I came fully to when I realized he had pulled the car over on the side of the road. Next thing I knew i was put in the back seat and he was raping me. I was a virgin. I remembered seeing a car drive by and I tried to wave it down but I couldnt move my arms. After it was done he told me to get in the front seat and he drove me home. I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. I… Continue reading »
My Story
I was 16 when I had my first kiss, 17 when I met my first boyfriend and lost my virginity. I was a shy girl, the one who blended into the background amongst her more attractive friends. Dennis was tall, blonde and exotic- All of us were drawn to him. I couldn’t believe he would pick me. Maybe he sensed my vulnerability, my shyness and knew I was easy prey. The relationship lasted 2 years. I moved in with him and away from my family. I was isolated and 1500 miles from anyone who cared. I endured 15 months of domestic violence- Broken ribs, broken nose, bruises and blood. The physical pain of physical abuse was tough but the sexual abuse that came was worse…Forced to have sex, NO! that fell on deaf ears, torn, sore tissue, bitten breasts, bruises,muffled cries into pillows, feeling my insides being stretched and violated by foreign objects I didn’t… Continue reading »
I was 4 yrs old
And the rape affects me every day. Now I am 55 yrs old. My heart breaks for people who have lost their lives or their loved ones to violent or other types of crimes. I know their struggle is probably worse than mine. But I am in pain. I have always been ashamed, remorseful (though I think it was not my fault as I was a tiny child), and I am damaged. 51 years ago some boy or man decided he could use my body for his pleasure or obsession or whatever. And I will never get over it. My family doesn’t understand, my friends don’t understand and I probably won’t figure this out in my lifetime. Talk to your kids. Keep them safe. If they are 4 years old don’t let them wander around the neighborhood. Even if it’s a “nice” neighborhood.
Is Healing Possible?
I don’t know why I’m writing this here, I probably should have written it in my diary like I use to. I was sexually assaulted when I was a child, molestations most times, attempted gang rapes sometimes. I succeeded in blocking out the memories throughout my teenage years but the signs were always there. Like how I can’t hold eye contact and how hugs makes my heart sink to the lowest portion of my stomach. I can’t sit in a room or car full of guys without wanting to run for my life. Without the memories, I don’t feel pain nor happiness, I feel numb most times. This saw me through my teenage days and I was fine. But last year, things got a little out of hands and most times I was depressed. A Safe Place was recently opened in my community where people with mental illness come together to talk and get help…. Continue reading »
But what really happened?
Last week I had decided to go on a night out with a few of my friends. Being 19, clubbing and alcohol is a hobby of mine, I did what I usually do and just go with the flow of the night. We had started off at the pub, I only had 2 pints of cider and 2 sour shots. I was tipsy but fine. We gathered some extra people and decided to go to a nightclub. In a 7 seater taxi I was the only female, I tried to not over think on the situation but I felt worried. There were 2 extra guys that were with us that I had never met, that also looked heavily drugged up on something.. One of the unknown guy sat opposite me, he asked me “What are you doing after clubbing?” I told him how I was going to go round to my boyfriends (who decided to… Continue reading »
Breakin Burgler
I had been sitting listening to my headset, and I needed to go to the bathroom. In the hall, I heard some noise, and figured it was my sister sneaking in from a night out. Heading down the hall, I heard it was grunting, and the like. I got to the living room, and I could see an adult male on top of my sister on the floor. The table was pushed out of the way. I could see some of her clothes were thrown around the room, and he was between her bare legs. She was asking him to stop, and when he did, she was crying on the floor. He grabbed a bag and left. I asked her what she was doing? She panicked and told me not to tell Mom and Dad cause she snuck out again, and was on probation. I asked her what she was doing with him. She explained… Continue reading »
My Safe Place
I have three safe places in my life. Home, church, and school. But I’ve dealt with a lot of crap in my life that over time, caused me to lose these safe places. When was 8/9 I was abused horribly by two older foster girls who were staying with my family. They were only with us for a few months but they messed me up pretty badly. Mostly mental abuse that left me terrified all the time. But the physical abuse is why I never told anyone. They threatened to hurt my sister, she was only six at the time and I couldn’t let anything happen to her. My dad happened to come down one day as they were getting ready to do something. He called the police and made a report, but they stayed with us for several more weeks before being moved. Even then one of the sisters was placed down the street… Continue reading »