There is a LOT to this story so I will be cutting out a lot of detail in order to make this shorter. This takes place in 2004 when I was 5 years old. I lived with my Mom, Dad and little sister. My parents were having marriage problems so my Mom took off for a while to see if she was gonna stay with him or divorce. This was a hard time for my Dad and my family. One of those days, I was laying in my parents room watching TV when my Dad came in locking the door. He started off tickling me but after a while it got weird because he placed his hand on my privates and told me that we were going to have some fun but I couldn’t tell because he could get in trouble and would be taken away from us. As a 5 year old who dearly loved her father I definitely didn’t want that. He asked me if I wanted to touch him. I said no which he didn’t like and kept trying to convince me. When he saw he wasn’t getting anywhere he gave up. Everything he did, my dad asked first. I was scared and greatly confused. I knew this was bad. Other things happened but I remember him telling me “if you want me to stop then say so.” After building up my courage, I said stop and he did.
I’m 17 now. My Dad is in jail. My sister doesn’t believe me and hates me for taking her Dad away. My Grandma also thinks I’m a liar and am over reacting because I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m honestly ashamed of my story. I’m ashamed of the options I picked. I sometimes wish it would have been forceful, I wish I could say that it really wasn’t my fault and that I had no control. But it wasn’t forceful and I was given the option. Was this even rape? Do I even have the right to call myself a survivor? I feel so guilty and dirty. I’m angry at my Dad but I’m even angrier at myself for allowing this to happen and ripping my family apart.
— Alex, age 16
It’s not your fault Alex. Your dad should be the one to protect you from this to happening. Your dad made his choice, and now he has to deal with the consequences. It’s not because of you telling what happened that he’s in jail, it’s because of his acts. If you ever want to talk about it and don’t have anyone to talk to, my email is brunohenrique2217@hotmail.com
Take care Alex.
As an adult survivor of incest, sexual molestation and date rape, I’m here to tell you, Alex, that you did not have a choice. Children, especially young children, are unable to choose what is or is not healthy, appropriate behavior. Behaviors and values are learned from the every day interactions that children have with the adults who are supposed to be responsible for them. Even older children are not able to make the “choice” you believe you were given because instinctively we know that our survival depends on those with whom we live and depend upon for our care. Shame has no place in your personal story and belongs solely to your Father, the adult with whom your absolute loving care was entrusted. His selfish choices shattered the sacredness, security and trust that inherently belongs to the Parent/Child relationship. If there is any way possible for you to see a counselor that specializes in sexual trauma, please ask for help. Through counseling, I’ve unburdened myself of the guilt and shame that I too carried with me. The healing process can be very difficult sometimes, but is so worth the work. And being assisted by a professional will help you to build the heathy coping skills you will need, and rely upon, for the rest of your life. The healing will not happen overnight and may continue in differing forms for a lifetime, but the relief and freedom that comes with healing is priceless! Should you, or anyone reading this, need to reach out to me, please do: shawna1386@gmail.com. Wishing you health, healing and peace.
It’s okay keep your head up
Hey. Don not feel ashame of your story. I know that It this hard most of the time, but you can take the decision of make something different and being a voice and an inspiration with your story!
It isn’t your fault! And don’t feel that way.
I was only 4 when my step father started to rape me he said it would be a fun game I didn’t think much of it so when my mom left we played that game he said it was called hide from the villain so we hid in the closet and my step father started touching my private part and putting his private in mine it started to bleed I was crying but he said that’s how we play I threw up for 3 weeks straight 😘to let you guys know rape is a serious thing if you are being raped tell someone now keep your head up😘
I am here to listen if u need someone to talk to
Alex, you are not at fault. My situation was very similar to yours. We are taught to listen to and obey our parents, and that they know best. We love them and are inclined to protect them. His gentle way with you made you question your own feelings, which made it safer for him. An adult is always to blame in incest, not the child. I hope and pray that you can heal and get past the family problems. What he did was very wrong. Godspeed!!
Alex, at such a young age its hard to know whats right and wrong. You were too young to have a choice, or to make a choice for yourself. Your dad deserved every bit of his punishment, and regarding your sister and grandmother, i wish you had a better support system. You did the right thing, and to blame yourself, because your family is angry is not right. You are a very strong person, and frankly your sister and grandmother needs to open up their close-minded brain. I really hope they see in the future, how right you were and strong you were for doing what you did. None of this is your fault. Not a single thing.