There is a LOT to this story so I will be cutting out a lot of detail in order to make this shorter. This takes place in 2004 when I was 5 years old. I lived with my Mom, Dad and little sister. My parents were having marriage problems so my Mom took off for a while to see if she was gonna stay with him or divorce. This was a hard time for my Dad and my family. One of those days, I was laying in my parents room watching TV when my Dad came in locking the door. He started off tickling me but after a while it got weird because he placed his hand on my privates and told me that we were going to have some fun but I couldn’t tell because he could get in trouble and would be taken away from us. As a 5 year old who dearly loved her father I definitely didn’t want that. He asked me if I wanted to touch him. I said no which he didn’t like and kept trying to convince me. When he saw he wasn’t getting anywhere he gave up. Everything he did, my dad asked first. I was scared and greatly confused. I knew this was bad. Other things happened but I remember him telling me “if you want me to stop then say so.” After building up my courage, I said stop and he did.
I’m 17 now. My Dad is in jail. My sister doesn’t believe me and hates me for taking her Dad away. My Grandma also thinks I’m a liar and am over reacting because I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m honestly ashamed of my story. I’m ashamed of the options I picked. I sometimes wish it would have been forceful, I wish I could say that it really wasn’t my fault and that I had no control. But it wasn’t forceful and I was given the option. Was this even rape? Do I even have the right to call myself a survivor? I feel so guilty and dirty. I’m angry at my Dad but I’m even angrier at myself for allowing this to happen and ripping my family apart.
— Alex, age 16