Rape

When I was 14 (1 year ago) me and my friends had agreed to go to a party on a Friday night. About a week before the party someone mad an Instagram account and started saying mean things to us like “I’m gonna rape you” and “go die” then the person behind the account asked some of us if we were for the party and eventually they figured out we were and said they were going to rape us at it but we all thought nothing would happen because they were the same age as us they said and were a boy which only I know is true. When Friday came I was a little nervous and was worried about going but when I went there was a line to get in and there was a boy started to tell me up and rubbed and squeezed my bum. I went out of the que trying to see who it was but there was a lot of boys but I heard someone saying where did she go? And that got me a wee bit worried. When we got into the party it was a little crowded and we danced a while then I felt really dizzy and went to get a drink of water on my own. I went outside to stand then went to the toilet area and there was no one there then I sort of felt faint and everything went blurry, I had been drugged. I can’t remember anything really after that and woke up in a small room with three boys standing I couldn’t see clearly who they were because they had masks on and I was still blurry. I was paralysed so I couldn’t move but two of the boys tied my hands together with a rope and the other boys ripped of my leggings that’s when I knew what was about to happen to me and I wasn’t sure where I was so I kept screaming NO DONT DO THIS, STOP!! But none of them listened to me and each of the boys had a go at raping me. While I was screaming one of the boys stuck their penis in my mouth to shut me up, one of them had their penis in my vagina and the other was whipping me and biting my nipples. I was terrified and every time I moved I was whipped harder or the boys penis was put further down my throat. Each of them took turns at each thing and then I remember one of them putting a needle in my arm and saying ‘it’s all going to be ok, this will take the pain away’. Then the next thing was I woke up in the disabled toilets and walked out. I went to find my friends and thought about telling them but when I found them they all seemed to be having so much fun and I didn’t want to ruin it. When they asked where I had been I said there was a large queue for the bathroom. When I got home I went straight to the shower and washed myself over and over. The next morning I went to the shower and continuously washed myself for 3 hours. I felt ashamed and dirty and I still do I also feel it was my fault sometimes because I went to that party but I was the only one out of my friends that got raped. Still to this day I am the only one that knows and this is the first I have ever sai d any of this but I needed to please don’t make the mistake I have made please!!