13 and Raped

I had already been molested by my older brothers friend, whom I liked but I was 10 or 11 yrs old and he was 17,I knew nothing of sex. He kissed me and fondled me. I was scared but I also liked his attention and it kind of reminded me of the movies. Then we moved to another city. I was grateful to start over. Then when I was thirteen I had another crush on a boy he was 14 a popular boy and he called me one Saturday and said to meet him down by the river. I stopped at a girlfriends to ask her to come with me and she couldn’t and within the next hour he raped me. I never have told my parents. I should have never been there I felt I was to blame. I remember running home so fast and when I looked down I had blood streaking down my legs,I went to a friends house and only her brother was home so I told him what happened and he let me clean up and he gave me one of his sisters pads to stop the blood. I will be 60 yrs old soon I have told my children, my husband and close friends but it took me many years before I could talk about it and it is so freeing. The boy said he was sorry when We were in high school, and I remember saying “Oh that’s O.K.” I still regret those words to this day it will never be OK. And I wish I had spoken up back then. I lived most of my life in fear.