4th of July

I remember it like it was yesterday. And although I was intoxicated at the time, I remember the pain. I remember the embarrassment afterwards. I was 20 years old, and I was waiting for marriage. He was a hockey player. He was charming and he was older.

It was the Fourth of July, and he asked me to hang out. I had a fake ID, so we went to the bars. After a few drinks at a bar, I wanted to go home. I asked him to take me home, but that was a silly question. He was visiting Michigan from Chicago and did not have a car since he was with his hockey team. He told me that he’d walk me to my car where we could sit and talk and sober up and then I could drive home. So, we walked to it. We got inside. We talked. Then we started kissing. We made out and he started asking me for a BJ. I said no. I was a virgin, and I wanted to keep it that way no matter what. I told him I was waiting for marriage and he laughed. We continued to kiss, and to my mistake, I got one his lap. We were just making out. He kept asking to have sex and I kept saying no. I was wearing a dress with bathing suit underneath after being on the beach all day.

Before I knew it, he was inside. He had reached under my dress in the blink of an eye and pushed my bikini bottoms aside. He went in. Hard. I yelled out and pushed him away. I started crying and he seemed to mock me saying it was fine. There was blood everywhere. On the seat of my car. On him. On me. It was gross. It was my first time and it was rough and unexpected so it hurt bad. I will never forget driving home after feeling worthless and calling my best friend to tell her what happened. Worst night of my life, and I never saw him again.