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5 Years On

Two days before my 18th birthday I was out with my friends in a club. A random guy kept coming up to me, trying to get me to dance with him. I plainly rejected him but he was so persistent so I finally gave in & danced with him, along with my friends. He kept buying my friends & I drinks- foolishly I thought it was innocent so kept drinking what he was giving me. Within about 30 minutes I was extremely drunk & all my friends had left me. The guy escorted me to a taxi saying he’d drop me off on route. Whilst in the taxi he stopped to get cash out, I begged the taxi driver to take me home but because I had no money on me he would only drop me to this man’s house.

When finally there I naively followed him in for some water, he locked me in the room and raped me for 4-5 hours holding me down so I couldn’t escape. Finally he weakened & I managed to escape, running home. The next day I told the police who had to analyze my body, I was so torn & cut up that they couldn’t do the proper examinations. Eventually the ordeal & the police investigation wore me down, I was extremely depressed so much so I had to take back my statement, I was not mentally stable enough to continue or go to court, I was becoming suicidal. During the course of the next year I turned to alcohol, I ended up sleeping with numerous men but whilst sober I couldn’t let people touch me. Whilst I was out a year later I was date raped. Two years after that I was raped again when I was out with friends. I feel the first was so numbing & all consuming that the other two incidents haven’t had as much of an effect.

After three years of intensive therapy I’m finally starting the believe it may not be my fault. I still can’t handle people touching me out of hand or being in confined spaces but I’m finally getting there. It is almost 5 years to the day that the first incident happened. Although it will always be a part of my life, 23rd of July will always be a date I will hate to remember, but I like to think it doesn’t control me any more, I am in control of my life not them.

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