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A Difference Perspective

In 1986 I attended the Academy Of Dramatic Arts in Pasadena California, where I met someone very special. We had a fast passionate dating period full of love, respect and admiration and we talked about marriage. We lived apart and one morning while I was on my way to a part time job, she was raped.

When I learned of it via phone call at work from her mother, I raced to her place, speeding all the way on the highway. My first reaction was to be with her, to comfort her, to let her know some things were not going to change. However, over the following months, I could see the walls going up between us and there was nothing I could do to stop it or even slow it down and I tried everything I could think of. I was there to support her, love her and allow her to see I did not view her differently.

I never showed anger towards the rapist who was caught later the same day and underage if memory serves as I saw it as counterproductive to her healing. Eventually, we broke up as she could not bear to have any male around her. I was heartbroken and although we still remained in contact, I always felt I was doing nothing but reminding her while all she wanted to do was run and forget. In 1993 I moved back to Toronto but not before she and I lost contact completely. I never forgot her or stopped loving her.

In about 2008, I found her on Facebook and we ended up reuniting here in Canada and it was amazing. I could not believe her kiss tasted the same. I would have known her blindfolded. We tried to make things work but for some reason, she could not continue a relationship. To this day, we are very good friends and she knows I love her and support her in every way but I still wish things could have worked out after so long. As it is, she is positive, happy and full of life and I admire her but I wanted readers and victims to know, that not every male partner shuns the female after a rape. To me, it didn’t change who she was – her soul, her beauty although I think those things changed in her view at the time.

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