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A Lifetime of pain

I have had many experiences with attempted rape before I experienced an actual date rape. It first started as a young child where a family friend would wake me to perform oral sex on him.
There was an incident at my school where a cousin of a good friend on two occasions molested me in a lonesome classroom, then one day he tried to rape me, before I knew what was happening to me I was on a bench with my skirt pushed up while he is over me unbuckling his belt, but stopped when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.
My ex, the first guy to take my virginity would use sex as a punishment by applying pain and force.
An old friend of mine had a crush on me and so did I, but then one day things got a little out of hand and the next minute I was running for the door and was able to talk him out of it when he tackled me to the ground.
Another time I needed to get home before and I was offered a ride by someone I had just met. He offered for us to go have sex and I refused so he pulled into the dark and the next thing we were scuffling so I had to give in until I was able to use my free hands to open the door quietly then throw myself out and run for my life.
I then met an online friend and every time he invited me out I would refuse, but then one day we ran into each other and I introduced him to my mom then my mom left so we decided to hang out in the malls. He said that we could take a bite so I followed him and ended up at a closed restaurant with a staircase next to it so I thought there was a food court upstairs only to see doors along the corridor; I told him I was not going to spend time with him in a locked room and he insisted. I turned around to leave but he cornered me at the bottom of the stairs with his hands around my shoulder locking my neck in a strangle which brought me to tears while threatened to leave marks all over me for my mom to see if I didn’t go to the room but I didn’t care, I held my ground until he got fed up and walked off, he unfriended me and I’ve never heard from him since then but the worst of all these was what happened on the 11th/11/2011.

On that day I had met a truly handsome white guy from Columbia and I’m from the Caribbean so I’m mixed. I had planned for us to go to the movies then to celebrate my friend’s birthday at a club. We met at the spot, which was opposite a bar. He, Kevin, had a friend with him, El Wado, whom he introduced to me, then they spoke to each other in Spanish and the friend left. Kevin motioned for us to go and get some drinks. I refused his offer while he bought beers, even water I refused because somehow I felt sick in my stomach. People were looking at us so he threw his hands around my waist acting as if I was his. After leaving the bar with his purchase, he said that he wanted to drop the beers off for his friend and we would be on our way. When we entered the compound I felt sick again and the thought of him raping me came to mind but I ignored it, because I did not think someone as gorgeous as him could do something like that to me. When we entered the studio apartment, him and his friend were talking and laughing in Spanish. Kevin then turn to me saying that he needed a bath before we leave and I told him I would wait.

His friend left the apartment slamming the door shut and locking it. I went into panic and that’s where he got the upper hand. He had me pinned against the wall. I tried to push him off and he grabbed my feet and pulled me. My mind was far and my body fought. He tried to strangle me but then stopped himself, I began to wonder if I died if my family would be able to find my body then I spaced out. I began fighting again but he locked my arms and after sometime he finished off, I felt sticky with sperm between my legs while he continued to kiss me telling me he wont stop until I smile, and that he was sorry because its been a while since he had sex and not to report him because he has a son. Then he went to bathe while I cleaned myself. When he was finished bathing he called his friend in, then he asked for us to have sex and that this time he would use a condom and I refused. He pushed me down on the bed and started leaving hickeys allover my breast which hurt like hell then pulled me up and turn me to face the wall while he pinned me against it. He put his hands in my pants and every time I tried to push myself off the wall he would slam his body against mine.

His friend then attacked me and every time he did what he did he apologized, but he did this repeatedly, over four times. I felt so depressed, I had spiritual problems where I felt things raping me at night, I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. His friend would call me to taunt me and Kevin would stalk me on my work and other places. Thankfully, I stopped hearing or seeing them but I remained scared. I was able to find peace within myself but it’s something I would never forget even to this day. I am now married with a child of my own and could say that even though next month, 11th/ 11/2017 will make six years but those six years I have fought and found the strength of God in my life.

— Nickizer, age 29

1 comment

  • Alexis


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