I have never told anyone the details or the fact I was molested and my husband knows any a few facts. I remember bits and pieces because either I wanted to block it out or the fact I was young around 4th grade. The pieces I can remember are laying on my grandmother’s bed after school (since she watched me and my 2 boy cousins) and her boyfriend at the time coming in after he had just showered and I remember getting up to leave the room because the entire situation made me uncomfortable but he closed the door and locked it behind him. He then made me lay on the bed and started with touching leading up to him taking my virginity at 10 years old.
I took it more then once because I felt if he was doing this to me he would leave my younger cousins alone. This happened a few more times until one day my mother and I were watching a show on TV about bad touch and good touch. I was ashamed, mortified, embarrassed but I got up some courage to tell my mom something was going on at my grandma’s that made me not want to go back. Thank god my mother found another family member for me to stay at until I was old enough to stay alone.
To this day, I have the same feelings and want to tell my family but cant bring myself to tell anyone. This entire situation made me became pregnant at 17. I can never enjoy sex or being romantic and I feel horrible for my husband because is such a great man and father to our 3 kids. I did drugs and partied a lot. I am now on meds for depression and anxiety and feel I will never be the same and that my family deserves better. The worst part is I’m so angry at my grandmother. I will not let my daughter be around that house alone and they think Im being dramatic when it’s my job to protect her. She still dates the guy on and off and I wish I would of reported it some how but I never felt safe enough, and no one ever believed me my entire life.