Amidst all the allegations towards the rapist Brock Turner, I made a vow to myself to never get so drunk that someone would do something like that to me. As I rarely go out to begin with, I never have found it difficult to avoid creepy bar rapists. I didn’t realize how wrong I was.
Friday night, I went out with a few girl friends of mine. At the bar we saw these guys that were from our high school, and we always loved hanging out with them when we went out. One girlfriend and I decided we would go back to one of their houses with all of them just to hang out. We were both way too hammered, but we trusted these guys and knew we would just end up passing out at their house on a couch somewhere. Boy was I wrong.
It was 5 a.m., and I had been on my period. I also wore a body suit, and every girl knows how much of a pain in the ass a body suit is to wear when having to go to the bathroom. I discarded my pants and went pee. I trekked upstairs (everyone had been sleeping at this point) into a room where there was a bed. This man, who was not a usual member of the group of guys we were with, clearly saw how inebriated I was. I laid down on my stomach, obviously wanting to go to sleep. He saw that as an opportunity to have sex with my body. He said I “moaned a little” so he thought I liked it, but then stopped because he realized I was passed out. He told me all of this nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal. Well news flash buddy, it is a big deal.
I see that getting too drunk and blacking out makes us girls an easy target for rape, I understand that. But if I was in a bed and a drunk guy came into the room, I would tuck him in and make sure he slept on his stomach so he could sleep safely. I would most certainly NOT attempt to have sex with him.
I was in a house with guy friends that I trusted. I was not expecting to be a victim of sexual assault. I’ve tried to deny it and take full responsibility for it, but my soul has literally been in shambles the past few days. I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I can’t believe someone would think that treating another human being like that is okay.
So to all the girls that may blame themselves, thinking it’s their fault because they got too drunk, it isn’t. Men should know not to have sex with someone who is not able to consent. It is despicable that any man would act that way, with no remorse or morality.
To all the girls that have ever been in a similar situation, you are not alone. I never thought something like this would happen, yet here I am. I know now that no matter where I am or who I am with, I am never really safe. And that is a terrifying realization.
— Survivor, age 24
Girls are never safe anywhere. I just don’t understand for men y its not a big deal to play with a woman’s body. This was never ur fault.
Dear Survivor – I hope that you are able to read back your own words – about it being the fault of the perpetrator – and internalize them and apply them to yourself. What happened to you is absolutely not your fault and there is nothing to take full responsibly for. You did nothing wrong. Please do try to care for yourself – seek medical attention if you need it, eat and drink some water if you can. Little things. And know that I am thinking about you and sending you love.