A Nightmare

I had just broken up with my boyfriend who I found was cheating on me so I went out to a local bar to meet up with someone I considered a close friend who was the bar promoter. Hoping a night of fun drinks,dancing,a cute dress on would be simple way to distract myself from a broken heart. I remember having a few drinks, shots, seeing old acquaintances, then I have no memory. And the next morning I wake up next someone who looked similar to my friend as I was still disoriented but then I realized it wasn’t. When he got up to let his dog out that he was a stranger. Then to my surprise, another strange man comes into the bedroom and says good morning to me and wonders how and when I wound up in there with no explanation as to where I was before. I still wasn’t realizing what happened as I had my dress on but when I started to try to get up out of bed I felt like I had been in a fight. I looked down for my purse and it wasn’t there. And I never leave any where without my purse. I asked where it was they said when they met I didn’t have it and they were the ones who saved me and took care of me after I was supposedly kicked out of bar. The stranger I woke up next to then walks with my phone from another room and said he was keeping it safe for me and thought I would be happy he had it. I right away tried to order an uber. Not knowing where I was I tried to ask them and they refused to give me the address going you don’t even know what city your in do you. They claimed it was a new place but offered to take me home after they went to breakfast. But I just pinned the address it picked up and when I was putting on my shoes. I noticed wasn’t wearing my underwear that’s when I first realized I was raped. I then said my uber was waiting and casually left running down the stairs of the apartments not knowing where to go or what to do. I just wanted to scream, cry and throw up. Once I got home safely, I just came home and did that and initially just wanted smell of them off me. I got in my shower but the very touch of the water hurt my skin and when I tried to wash other areas the same thing happened. So, I stopped then decided to call my mom who took me to the hospital where I reported my rape. It’s been about 10 months and I found out recently that the DA has chosen to not press charges at this time. Which nearly wrecked me. I was told we live in a rape society and its there word against mine. But she believed I was raped it was a hard choice for her but when they do this again I’ll get my justice and help someone else. I’m struggling to keep going to not give up it takes everything in me most days to get out of my bed but I’m trying. I’m in therapy hoping my heart will hurt less one day and that these sick animals don’t hurt anyone else.

— Deanna, age 29