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A Voice to be Heard

I just want my voice to be heard for once, I want the truth to be heard and to stop having my words twisted. I’m done being silenced. If you have ever been blamed for your rape due to date rape this story is for you.
My name is Erin McKinney, and I was raped on July 6th, 2011. I grew up in Texas but moved to Connecticut in 2005 after my parents divorce. I hadn’t seen my father in almost 4-5 years, or any of my old hometown friends. My father picked me up from the airport with 2 friends, Holly and Ceasar. My father had struggled with a meth addiction and had been clean for almost 1-2yrs. On too of that he had made two good friends that were also free of hard drug use. I had been in Texas for about a week and we were having a BBQ with a couple friends, all of the adults were drinking, it was 4th of July weekend. The night started to wind down and I was ready to go to the lake the next day with Holly and Ceasar. That night Holly told me I should sneak out and come over, I responded via text and said I didn’t need to I could just ask my Dad since it was they lived two houses down with Ceasars mother. My Dad agreed that it was fine and told me to be safe and not to do anything I shouldn’t, and I said of course. I walked over to the house and Ceasar and Holly were sitting on the back porch. I sat down with them and Holly handed me a drink and told me it was like a fruit punch Arizona tea. I drank some and she said I could have the rest, so I did. Then Ceasar handed me a Bacardi 101 and said it was like a Smirnoff, that’s when I realized that I was drunk and that’s why I felt funny. I was 15 and had never been drunk before. By then, I was too drunk to care after the Bacardi. We then got into the car and I was texting a potential love interest at the time who had informed me of a relationship she was having with an ex. I was upset and said something and Holly said, “oh you’re bi? You just got yourself in trouble there.” We proceeded to the gas station and they asked if I had money and I said a little to and they asked if they could use it to buy four locos (what I realized I had then been given before) and I said no. They continued to pester me so I gave them some money. We went to Waterloo and they told me to drink the other Four Loco. Holly then began to show me her breasts and grab my boobs and I asked her to stop and said what are you doing. I started to black in and out and don’t remember the ride back. When we got back to the house they gave me two pills and told me to drink it with a glass of water and I wouldn’t have a hangover in the morning. Holly then began to makeout with me and take my clothes off. Ceasar opened the door and said, “what are you doing she’s only a kid?!” Then I blacked out again. I woke up later and tried to leave the room and go home but I fell before I got to the door. Ceasar and his brother, who had shown u p when I was unconscious carried me back to the room. I remember going in out and Ceasar was biting my clitoris and I felt pressure. I said no, please stop and Ceasar said, “come on baby you can get through this” the next morning when I woke up to Holly drying her hair with a towel. I said, “why is my hair up? Why is my shirt green? Where are my glasses? Where’s my underwear?” Holly said, “you threw up in your sleep so we changed your clothes” I then said, “but that doesn’t explain why my shirts green and my underwear are missing” Ceasar then said, “don’t worry just take a shower, you don’t want your dad to know you got drunk and threw up.” They then gave me my underwear to put on and forced me to walk to the shower in nothing but that and a tank top. I began to undress for my shower and as I took my underwear off I realized there was blood and I was confused because I wasn’t on my period. As I was showering Ceasar knocked on the door and asked to come in, I let him in because he kept banging. He then said, “do you see those hickeys on your tits?” And I said, “no why would there be?” He said, “we had sex last night” I said, “no we didn’t” and he said, “yes you did and you liked it.” After I went to the room and Ceasar showered. Holly gave me clothes to wear and threw my underwear away. She asked if I was in pain and I said yes, she said it’s okay because I wasn’t a virgin. I then told her I was and she said, “oh we didn’t think so. It’s okay as long as you’re not upset about because we’ve lost friends to this before.” I realized that something was wrong and texted a friend and they said, “I’m sorry I don’t know how to tell you this but I think you were raped.” I realized I needed to go home and then I saw a knife next to the bed. My Dad has asked what I was doing and when I was coming home. I told him we were watching movies because I was scared. When I finally left I left all my clothes behind and took another shower. I later told a friend who encouraged me to tell my Dad. After his rage had settled we called the police, it took until 9pm to get a rape kit performed. I was told by a forensic gynecologist that there was clear evidence of forceful sex. I made a statement, took every pill to prevent STDS/Pregnancy, I gave the police Holly’s cellphone number to recover apology messages, the pictures of us on my camera, and told them the can with my fingerprints was down the hill at Waterloo, and my clothes and the supposed condom would be in the house. The Denison Police Department failed to get a warrant for two days because Ceasar refused to open the door. In those two days the trash was put out and taken, in that trash was my evidence, and on the curb, two houses down from my fathers w as the mattress I was raped on. The Denison Police Department failed to collect the evidence, the cans and messages. This man admitted to having sex with me and Holly said she left for the night. The case went in front of Grand Jury and they decided to no bill my case due to insufficient evidence and the involvement of alcohol saying that my father was aware of my alcohol consumption. Although he was not, not was I that is irrelevant and I was unconscious and unable to consent. This man admitted to sex with me, I was 15, he was 26 and Holly was 21. The law says the age of consent is 16 in Texas. Since this has happened I have requested records from all agencies that have information concerning my case. The information I’ve received has inaccurate statements, and does not fill the request I entered. I have recently discovered that I am unable to receive the full rape kit exam (minus the physical evidence) because it’s protected since I was a minor. I am not able t o access pictures of my body (prob never will) but at least give me my statement. I have recently reported the involvement of Ceasar in a child pornography group that he is currently being investigated for, the assistant defense attorney Joe Brown said this may be able to reopen my case. I have sent letters to the White House and have received referrals for mental health back as well as an inaccurate statement saying that I said I was assaulted by two men when I was not. I have been blamed for my rape due to the involvement of alcohol. I had never been drunk. I was drugged and raped by someone I trusted.
Please help me spread awareness, if you anyone you know has ever reported sexual harassment/assault/rape/molestation from a man name Ceasar Carrillo, Anthony Ortega (his brother who carried me to the room that night) or Holly Brown in Denison, Texas the Grayson County please call the CPS hotline or Defense attorney Joe Brown of Grayson County Texas. I would like to visit my father without him living 1.1 miles from my rapist.
Now it is June 29th, 2016 and today marks the 5yrs since the day that I flew to Texas and hugged my dad and the man and woman who raped me.
So I got my case right guys? Ya well the disc didn’t work. Called got another it’s just the reports of me reporting him for his pornography group etc and calling CPS on his girlfriend at the time.
Anyways so today I decided to call Joe Brown again and ask the question I’ve always wanted, “how did this man walk away when he admitted to having sex with me when I was 15 and he was 26?” Several times he told me he wasn’t going to continue “cutting this up” with me because he has twice in 2011 (incorrect that was my mom? I was a minor??) and then after I asked several more times he said there were a lot of consent issues.
I was 15. He was 26. No consent from my mom or dad. Even so it should have been statutory
I was drugged. 15 and 26.
It’s not an issue of consent it’s incompetency.

— Erin McKinney, age 20

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman


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