Abused since I was young

It all started when I was very young, just starting in school. My cousin and aunt lived with my grandparents, and we were always over visiting. One night I had to stay the night and was put in my cousins’ room, he’s 7 years older than I. He made me sleep against the wall, right next to the window without a shade. I thought I was going to fall out the window and out onto the pool. As I was almost asleep he pushed his body against the back of mine and told me to be quite. I was so young I didn’t know what to think. He next put his hand between my legs and started rubbing them. Then he pulled down my pants in the back and tired to penetrate me. I laid there for a few moments then told him I had to use the bathroom. I ran out the door and downstairs to the den and locked myself in the room. But that wasn’t the last time that happened. It happened again when we were playing in the pool and the adults were 30 feet away at a table. And again when we were sitting on the couch watching a tv show.
Fast forward to my second year into school and I was at my other cousins’ house who is 9 years old than I. We were in the basement playing games and he told me he had more games in the closet, so we went to look and he shut the door behind us and turned the light off. I asked what he was doing and he told me he had something “cool” to show me. He sat down and unzipped his pants and took my hand and forced me to give him a hand job. It didn’t last long because I ran to my mother but never told her what happened.
After than it was my mothers boss who abused me in middle school. He was dating my mom and she often asked him to put me to bed when she was busy. So he would but once he kissed me and told me to never tell my mother or I’ll get into big trouble. Another time he laid in bed with me and pressed his body against mine and slowly dry humped me.
Move to freshmen year and guys grabbed my butt when I got onto the bus. I yelled at them and told them to never touch me again. Only a few listened. I carpooled with friends after that.
Junior year of school I was at a small party with friends. There was one couple who’ve been dating for a while, a pair that just met and were kicking it off very well, and my best friends boyfriend and I. That night the couple went into a bedroom and the new pair wanted alone time so my best friends boyfriend told me we should go upstairs into the room and hangout with the cats. So we did and we were laying on a bed with a cat and he put his arm around me and I asked what he was doing and said that he just wanted to give me a backrub. I told him I didn’t want one but he forced it. Then he kept pulling me on top of him and tried to kiss me. I got away from him and went home.
I’ve never told anyone about this. I’m afraid I’ve waited too long to speak up and that some of this will ruin my family even more than it is. I feel like all of this was somehow my fault and that no one is going to take me seriously.

— Survivor, age 19