I found this website a few days after everything happened. That was exactly one year ago as of today. I don’t like to admit the words out loud. It makes me feel dirty and makes my chest collapse until I can’t breathe. Over the last year I’ve gotten really good at ignoring the thoughts when they filter through. I can’t do that tonight and I don’t want to talk about it with anybody but at the same time my whole body just wants to release all this horrible shit I’m feeling and move on. I don’t know how to do that. There are days when I can be surrounded by people who love me and I love them back and yet I feel so alone and depressed. Then the complete opposite happens and I’m the happiest person alive. I don’t think I should still be having these drastic mood swings a year later and I don’t know what to do. I think I need professional help but I can’t bring myself to speak the words out loud and share what happened to me.