Amusement Park

I’m sharing this today because it’s something I’ve told to only three people in my entire life. It feels liberating, knowing that I will be able to get it all out without people knowing who I am.

It was at an amusement park, I know that. But I don’t remember how old I was, somewhere around seven or eight. I don’t remember what he looked like. I don’t really remember anything about the actual experience, mostly just what happened before and after. What I do remember feels like it was just a bad dream. Like it never actually happened and it was merely my brain trying to get in a good scare. I was with my mother in the bathroom. The line was long and stalls were small. My mother told me to wait outside the stall she was using until she came out. I now wish that I had. But be it because the room was too filled with people or I had very little room to breathe, I decided that it would be okay if I waited outside the building. I wandered and eventually found myself behind the building with the bathrooms. From this point on everything is a blur. He was suddenly there, asking what I was doing on my own. It was dark outside, so I couldn’t really see him. The crowds of people feeding the animals and waiting in line couldn’t see him either. They also couldn’t see me. He put his hand down my pants and up my shirt and touched me, but it was brief and doesn’t bother me as much now. The worst part was when he made me touch him. I didn’t want to do that, but I did it because I felt scared. It went on for a few minutes and then I guess eventually he got bored or heard my mom calling my name and he left. And I walked out like nothing happened and to this day haven’t told my parents what I was really doing behind that building.

I didn’t know what to think back then. I didn’t understand what was going on and I didn’t know what sex was. I had no idea that private parts were for anything but going to the bathroom. Now, though, whenever I wake up with nightmares I feel humiliated, dirty, and used. Because now I understand what happened.

— Survivor, age 15