I was 14, an eighth graders and he was 16 turning 17, a junior in hs. He was very popular in my town and was liked by all the girls. He messaged me on Facebook and we hit it off. He lived a few houses down from me so we would hang out often. We started dating and one day we were at his house alone when he asked if I wanted to have sex. I was still a virgin (he wasn’t) so the question caught me off guard. I really didn’t want to because we just started dating and I wanted to save my virginity for someone I loved. After i told him that, he just kept pressuring me and trying to guilt me into it by saying things like, “I could be with any other girl right now but I’m with you so you need to sacrifice too.” I didn’t want to seem like a loser to him so I just swallowed my pride and let him take something from me I didn’t want to give to him. I just laid there while he did whatever to me. He knew I was extremely uncomfortable but he didn’t care, he just wanted his. After that day, I didn’t tell anyone or talk about it with him or anything. I wanted to forget the awful way I was deflowered. He began to get very very aggressive, jealous, and physical. He would hover over every aspect of my life. I wanted nothing more than to get away from him but he made it so hard to leave. I was terrified. I eventually got out but I will never forget all the hurtful things he said and did to me. They keep me up at night.
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I am so proud of you for getting out of that relationship. That is such a challenge and I’m really grateful that you were able to do that and shared your story here. You may be right that you’ll never forget the things he said to you but I believe you can heal. But I do think that working with a therapist would be really helpful since they are trained to give you tools to cope with things like falling asleep. They can also help support you emotionally. If you feel ready, I would also encourage you to confide in some friends or family members who you feel safe with. You don’t have to tell them everything at the same time, but finding support can be really important and helpful when you’re struggling.
You can heal from this and you DESERVE to heal from this!! I believe you and I believe IN you. Thank you so much for posting here. Love, Alexis