I was just 9 when my father abused me sexually, emotionally and hurt me physically. I got my periods when I was 8 years old. My parents kept me away from my relatives and specially they never let me go outside unless to go to school and tuition. So I did not have much friends and cousins to talk to. It all started after my dad knew that I got period. He came to my bedroom when everybody slept. After that night he blackmail me no to tell mother or he will kill her. I got scared and tolerated his heartless acts. After 5 years father and mum got divorced and I went with my mum. This is not the only story. I started a new life with my mum.. I was happy to be free from him. However the one who I got into a relationship started abusing me while he knew what happened to me. I broke up with him and tried to be with another guy. But he also after knowing my story started abusing me. thankfully I was brave enough to break with him too and went to another island. I never told anyone my childhood story. But one day my twin sister (who knew my story) told the police because my mother was going to marry my father again. She was trying to stop her but I was questioned by people and everyone thought that I was lying. Nobody believed me. I entered high school and got to go through a lot of hard time. The story went wild all over the atoll. People called me slut . I did not listen to them and studied hard . when one day a young man called me and said that he knows my story but he wants to get into a relation .. I thought that this guy is that one I expected too much. I’m now 19. we’d been together for 3 years. he did not abuse me sexually. but he abused me emotionally. I am not a survivor… I need help. Everything I do goes wrong. my decisions aren’t correct. I’m going through depression.
— Aisha
Dear Aisha,
Thank you for reaching out to Brave Miss World. I want you to know first, and most importantly, that none of this is your fault. Your decisions have not caused what has happened to you, it is the decisions of the people who have harmed you that have caused it. Not you. Everything you said makes sense and it is very common for someone who has been abused to be abused again, so please know that you are not alone in this. You are not the cause of this and you are not to blame. I am not sure where you are located, so the first thing I would suggest is going to the “Get Help” tab at the top of this website. It lists many resources that may be of help for you. If that doesn’t help, I am more than happy to help you locate services in your local area. Your feelings are real and there is help available. I am really glad you reached out. I will keep you in my thoughts. With love, Alissa ~ Brave Miss World Team Member
First of first, what ever happened, you do not have control on any of them. You are good person, and utter brave girl who broke out with first one when you realized that he is taking advantage of your past. You must not care what people in vicinity says, as being a critics is easiest job in world. I do not know how but change your location which is haunting you now and rest time will heal slowly. I am sure one day you will get who will care for you like baby. I do not know how but try to connect to Mr. Kailash Styarthi, may be through his website. Rest I will pray from god.
You know, I feel the same way you do about the making wrong decisions part. I was also sexually abused as a child over and over again…and because of this, I haven’t made the best decisions in life and I’m 26 now. I have had every opportunity to go to counseling and I quit everytime it gets hard. My coping turned into heavy drinking so I did not feel the pain I was going through. I looked to alcohol to make me feel “normal” but it really didn’t help me. It started to turn into me waking up wanting alcohol. Please don’t be like me and get help from counsellors that specialize in childhood abuse. Make that step before you become older to make real life decisions on your own as an adult. I have learned that being abused as a child hinders us from making the best decisions in life.
I am now pregnant, married and I still don’t have it together because I drank through my whole relationship to be a normal wife. I haven’t had a drink since I found out I was pregnant and NOW all of my emotions are back and memories of my abuse and I’m having a very hard time dealing with it. I have gone back to counseling and I’m also in a group session with survivors like me.
At times I look back and feel like I’ve failed but I haven’t and you haven’t either. We are both survivors in this, we just have to use the right tools such as counseling to make a better life and future for us. It will help you make better decisions and you can also learn from your mistakes. Learning from mistakes are the best lessons in life, I’ve made plenty of them.