I just watched brave miss world on Netflix and I am moved to tears by Linor’s story and the story of other survivors.
I myself have been molested during my childhood within my family. It is very hard to speak about it. I was about 12 to 13 years when the assaults started and it ended when I was 15 or 16. It is something I blocked out for years, suppressing it when it came to me, trying to forget it since the assault happened within my family. I could never tell anyone in my family since to this day I feel ashamed and insecure about what happened. I know if I told any family member it would destroy my family so I decided to take this out with myself. But it feels healing to read stories of other victims and to share my story. It also feels kinda therapeutic to write it down so I can get it out of my head.
Recently I started opening up to some friends – getting all kinds of reactions but it is nothing I can discuss with them on a daily basis. Whenever our conversations come to assault or child abuse I feel watched and tip toed around since some of my friends know and some don’t.
I used to you myself from time to time and I have very big self esteem issues. I am a gay man and up to this day I use sex as a way of getting attention and reassurance. 4 years ago iI exchanged sex for money but I stopped and started working on my self hatred which I think started with the assault. I can say that I really don’t like myself most of the time and I have huge issues with getting to know guys and trusting them. Most of my friends are women – I tend to trust women more than men which makes my “gay” life much more difficult.
Thanks for having this site for victims and allowing me to echo my experience.
— Tim, age 27
Dear Tim,
It takes so much strength to share such a personal story. I am so proud of you for writing this down and sharing it with the Brave Miss World community. There are so many things I want to say to you, but I will try to sum it all up with a few things. First and foremost, everything you said about your self esteem and trust issues is real and valid. It is really common for survivors to think less of themselves and for them to live with the shame of abuse silently. I want you to know that what happened to you says absolutely nothing about who you are. It can be really hard to talk about it with friends, but I do hope you find someone you can continue to confide in. Talking about what happened and getting it out of you is often really key to healing. Writing about your trauma can also be really healing, so I am glad you felt safe to write your story here. There are some really fantastic resources for male survivors and if you would like that information respond back to this post and I will make sure to get you that information. I hope in time you come to find that you are a beautiful human being, inside and out. Until then, I’ll be sending that vibe to you, wherever you may be. <3