I just watched brave miss world on Netflix and I am moved to tears by Linor’s story and the story of other survivors.
I myself have been molested during my childhood within my family. It is very hard to speak about it. I was about 12 to 13 years when the assaults started and it ended when I was 15 or 16. It is something I blocked out for years, suppressing it when it came to me, trying to forget it since the assault happened within my family. I could never tell anyone in my family since to this day I feel ashamed and insecure about what happened. I know if I told any family member it would destroy my family so I decided to take this out with myself. But it feels healing to read stories of other victims and to share my story. It also feels kinda therapeutic to write it down so I can get it out of my head.
Recently I started opening up to some friends – getting all kinds of reactions but it is nothing I can discuss with them on a daily basis. Whenever our conversations come to assault or child abuse I feel watched and tip toed around since some of my friends know and some don’t.
I used to you myself from time to time and I have very big self esteem issues. I am a gay man and up to this day I use sex as a way of getting attention and reassurance. 4 years ago iI exchanged sex for money but I stopped and started working on my self hatred which I think started with the assault. I can say that I really don’t like myself most of the time and I have huge issues with getting to know guys and trusting them. Most of my friends are women – I tend to trust women more than men which makes my “gay” life much more difficult.
Thanks for having this site for victims and allowing me to echo my experience.
— Tim, age 27