Assaulted on a Holiday

When I was 18 (I am over a decade older now) I drove to a party with two of my friends, about an hour and a half away. I was going to see a guy I had known for a few years and knew everyone else at the party. We had some drinks, we danced, we played cards, and then we all went to bed. I had consensual sex with the guy who I came to see. We went to sleep. At some point through the night, I remember feeling penetration and between consciousness and sleeping, I started to wake up and was actually leaning into it, thinking it was the guy who I was in bed with. At some point, as I woke up more, I realized I had two arms wrapped around me. The penetration was coming from another person. It started to hurt, almost as if he were trying to force more and more into me. I woke up and realized that he was leaning down beside the bed and he was actually penetrating me with his hand. When I gained consciousness enough to see what was actually happening, I jumped up and started screaming. I woke up everyone at the party and the guy eventually admitted what he had done, after hiding in his room for a while. Even after he admitted what happened, no one did anything, and me being scared (I was under age and under the influence), I allowed the guys at the party to “protect me,” by laying in the room I was in and making sure he couldn’t get to me again. The next day, I went straight to the authorities. Only 1 person from the party admitted to the detective what really happened. It was everyone’s word against mine and hers. Because I had consensual sex that night, no trauma to my body could be proven to be from anyone other than the guy who I was there to see. I had no case. He never saw the inside of a court room. I still deal with the affects, over a decade later. I suffer bouts of depression, anxiety, nightmares, etc. He’s a youth soccer coach at a church. It hurts still – but I have no choice except to move on. I still don’t know how.