I was 3 years old the first time I was molested. The molestation/rape went on for almost 15 years old; involving dozen’s of men, dozen’s of times, I was prostituted by my grandfather for almost 6 years. I was brutalized and tortured. I was again raped when I was 21 by a very close friend. I had been so conditioned that I deserved whatever I got. I did somethings to antagonize him. I grew up as I was raped being told that was why I was created. That pleasing men was why I was born. That my purpose in life was to please men sexually and do whatever I was told.
I have been working through all the issues that come with being raped. I had a self hatred and would harm myself physically. I would hide in the clothes that I wore being very sedate, and clothes that were of women much older than myself Being so involved in volunteer work to not think about it and distract myself. I attempted to kill myself multiple times. It hurt so much and I had lost my will to live.
Over the last 10 years, I have earnestly sought healing and wholeness. I have been with the same counsellor for over 5 years and he yes He has made so much of a difference in helping me see that I was a victim and had no responsibility in what took place. To walk through the process of seeing healing and wholeness in my life. I have written a book of my own experiences of the hope to help others who come after me. I am waiting to have the money to publish it. I am starting to see the side of healing and there is a freedom that has come as I have shared my story and been able to walk through with others on their way to healing.