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Being weak or stupid

It’s almost 2 years since I last sent my story here about me being ADHD and dyslexic, my horrific mom and my grandpa and his friends who did those things but this is not about them. This is another experience. Another hi to abuse
So as stated above I have a horrific mom. My dad is drug dependent so I had to look or find another family member to take care of me. Just to refresh my grandpa abused me from 6 years old and then when I was turning 8 he also encouraged his friends to do the same in which they did without being conscientious. After that I left the house and found my half brother.

At first, he guaranteed he would never do the same. He fed my empty stomach and made me bathe for I was too dirty and did not took a bath for days just to find him. I hoped this story had a happy ending but then it was a just a start of making more painful memories. This was another refrain but with different characters. Same process: Gaining your trust then getting to their ulterior motive. Thought he was a brother but he never was. If I would refuse he would threaten to commit suicide and since he was a brother I just submitted and with that I think I am being weak and stupid for allowing myself to be treated like that again.

Fast forward to now: I have a great husband and a great daughter. We are just living day to day and could not afford a therapist. My husband sometimes thinks there is something wrong with him when in fact everything about me is wrong and not him. This is consuming me and I don’t know what to do. I have been blocking these and as a result my nightmares worsened. How? I don’t even know what to ask. I just wanna live a good life, a good and normal life

— Ana, age 28

3 comments

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  • Alexis
  • lila

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