Okay, I am a seventeen year old, and I have been sexually abused by my uncle when I was younger. I don’t remember much since I was five years old at the time. I don’t know how it started, I just remember how it ended. He was my uncle, to be more specific my mom’s brother. It is hard to write this because I don’t remember much, and I do not want to. I remember it very dream like, him entering my room in the middle of the night touching me, kissing me; it was very disgusting. There was times were I will sleep with my parents in their room since I was scared of him. I would not want to be alone with him at no time. Once I was growing older, he would stop because I would yell for my brothers to come, but still I never told on him. Since I am old I feel sad because I never told my parents. My mom used to scare me when I was a little girl, and my dad was never home. I was never traumatized by it, never suffer from nightmares or anything. Just little moments of sadness her and there. Since I am young (only seventeen) I want to ask for help on how to cope with this. Should I tell my parents what happened after all these years, or not. I am not really open with my feelings with my parents, i find it really difficult to even tell them that I love them. I just never grew up like that. I know they love and care for me, but I never grew up with my mom telling me that she loves me or anything. No hugs or anything. Now we are dealing with my brother who is a drug addict, so my life is in pretty difficult situation. I know there are other in worst situations than me, and I am very grateful for the things that I have, but I need someone to answer me. So, please help me find an answer.
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I was never raped or molested but I was (and still am) stalked with many attempted rapes. I tried telling my mother when it started but the words just didn’t come. I started getting really bad nightmare of him attacking me, getting flashbacks, and sometimes freaking out because I was alone and some guy would walk in the room. I started looking up how to cope with it and found many things that correspond with issues like PTDS. I am no doctor but several people where just like how I was. Everyone had to tell their parents to start the healing process. That was one of the worst weeks in my life. Since it was happening at school I gave a note to one of my teachers and mothers friend. I could not say it. She gave it to the guidance counselor who told me I really needed to tell my parents. I gave them a letter too. I am close to my parents like you are. It did break them but they were so happy I told them. My dad never imagined that it would happen to his daughter and my parents knew the family very well. They talked to me about it for awhile. I felt like I was sick overtime I seen my teacher or my parents. I am so glad it is over though. It helps SOO much. I have had several things done to limit my exposure to him. I no longer receive countless messages but still am stared at by him constantly. But telling my parents helped my nightmares and flashbacks. They still happen but not ever night and day like it used to. I was at a bar a couple months ago where I was getting in my vehicle. I was celebrating my sister’s party when I was getting ready to leave. The people where getting drunk and I still did not feel safe around men. I went to shut the door when I man blocked my arm from getting the truck handle. I was sitting in the truck with my keys in hand. I had already circled them up ready to react. He started to lean in while talking to me, trying to seduce me. I noticed his ring) and finally talked him out of whatever he was going to do. He finally let me go and I went back to my parents right after and told them. I have little problem from that event but sometimes the vehicle smell kicks the memory loose. Best of luck. I hope you find an answer soon.
I wish there was one answer. One way of knowing exactly what to do. But if it exists I haven’t found it. I don’t like to give advice because I don’t know your whole situation but I will say this – see if you can figure out what you can do to help yourself heal. Maybe it’s calling a rape crisis hotline or seeing a therapist or even exercise or some kind of art. If you want to talk about it – therapy is one great option. Other options are telling your parents OR telling someone else you trust – maybe a trusted friend or another family member. You don’t have to tell everything at first – you can start with a small piece of it and then see how it goes. Remember that this is about supporting and helping YOU. And one thing I will say – don’t think about “better or worse”. What you’re dealing with is hard and pain and fear feel the same in every person. So you are deserving of love and support and I think you should do anything that feels right to get it. Love, Alexis