I was in a physically abusive relationship. This was when I was in my late teens and twenties. I finally was brave enough to leave the relationship after 10 years.
I met him when I was 15 years old. He had hit me before but he always promised to change. He went through rehab and I just always tried to help and change him. I remember a few nights in particular that were pretty bad. One was when we were living in Costa Rica and I thought he would kill me and I couldn’t find my plane ticket because he hid it. I ran barefoot outside and waited until he sobered up.
Another night was when he raped me and this event sticks out because of how painful it was. I was a virgin when I met him and he forced me to have anal sex. He was very drunk and it was very painful. I know now that there is something wrong with him, not me. I wish I would have left him sooner.
I still struggle with the anger, against everything and especially him and myself for just accepting what had happened. I am also angry because I felt I had to marry him because I lost my virginity to him. Angry at religion and parents as well. Thank you for letting me share my story. It is empowering to stand and talk about it.
Anger is a very powerful emotion, but one that makes perfect sense when you’ve experienced the trauma that you have. I hope that your struggle becomes easier and that you continue to feel empowered by telling your story. You are brave for staying, you are brave for finally leaving, and you are brave for standing in your truth. Thank you for sharing your experience.