Why Chapter 62? Well, that is how old I am now. My abuse was by my dad and grandpa, which, by the way, have no blood in common. So no excuse for my dad. It started when I was 5 and went on through high school years.
So, it’s been a few minutes, and I’ve been through counseling, group therapy, medications, spiritual growth, everything. But I still have nightmares. I guess you never really get over the bad stuff.
You learn to cope, make good choices, show your children the kind of love every child deserves, but your eyes are open and you carefully watch out for them and try to protect
I from the same experience.
This week, I had a dream. My dad and I went somewhere together and checked into a motel. He had to leave for a while and I decided to take a shower. As I am getting out of the shower, my dad comes back in and we have sex. It is expected and seems consensual. But on the inside, I am burning up with madness. I am ready to shout at him about how wrong it is. DREAM OVER.
This day is different. I usually remember the dreams early and they are with me all day. Not today. I’ve suppressed it. In the late afternoon, I start to get ready to attend a rehearsal. As I am getting undressed to get into the shower, the dream floods my mind and I end up in a ball of tears! Needless to say, I did not make it to rehearsal.
62 – more than 40 years to process and heal, which for the most part, I have. But you never know when to expect those feelings to come back and you feel like a 6 year old again!
I just want to tell you… I think it’s incredible that you were able to show your children the love they deserve and protect them. That is called breaking the cycle and the more people who are able to do that, the better off we are. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so inspired by you sharing your story here and honored to get a glimpse of the life you have created for yourself. I haven’t written as many chapters of my story yet but I completely relate to things coming out of nowhere and throwing you for a loop. Thank you so much for showing us your strength. I hope you found something to do instead of rehearsal that was soothing and caring for yourself. Sending you love and light. Love, Alexis