I used to go over to my neighbor house, he was a nice man and my family was really close with him. He had a son about 16 or 17 years of age and when ever his father left for work he would pull my pants down and start touching me and attempt to penetrate. This incident didn’t just happen once but numerous times. I didn’t know what he was doing to me. I was scared and frightened to tell my parents because I thought I would get in trouble. I was never told about sex. It didn’t effect me as much as it does today, sometimes it would just appear in my memory and I would just start crying. Till this day I never told my parents. At times I want him to die and suffer other times I sympathize for him because a normal person would never do this to child. Whenever I see a little girl walking with an older guy I automatically think of him. I get the urge to snatch the little girl away. He might’ve forgotten what he has done, but what he has done will haunt me till the day I die.
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You are a very special person for acknowledging the truth about both “wanting him to die” and sympathizing with him, this is especially true since you acknowledge the long term impact of his actions on your life. I just want you to know that healing is possible. I believe that each survivor can move beyond their trauma and can thrive. It doesn’t mean it goes away, but it does mean that you can achieve all of your dreams and can thrive. I hope that sharing your story here has helped you find some peace. Thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave.