Childhood Abuse

I don’t know how to say this. But I’ve just started to have memory’s come back to me bits and pieces. I am 14 years old and a girl. My step sister would come over to visit,she is a year older than me. She would always wanna play games like where I would be the daddy and she would be the mommy. She would touch me and rub on me. If I told her I didn’t want to or if I said no and she kept going i would threaten to tell my mom and then she’d say she would blame me, say I wanted to and it was my idea me being younger I believed her. I don’t know what age I was I don’t remember. But the second time we moved into a new house. Next door there was a boy I don’t remember his name. But one day he came over to play and he was a lot older than me and my sister. We went down stairs in the basement to play. next thing I remember is him on top of my sister touching her, and kissing her. Then he asked if I wanted a try that it was okay and I kept saying no I didn’t want to but he grabbed me and did it anyway, he was heavier than me and he just laid on me kissing me and touching me I didn’t know what to do, I just laid there, I let it happen I tried to get him off but I just gave up. The next event happened with my babysitter, I was in my room taking a nap. Laying on my stomach, my babysitter came in and started to crawl into bed with me.. She then came on top of me and started to rub on me and touch me I just pretended I was asleep. Another event that happened was with my cousin he was older than me by a lot and we would play together, we were at my grandmas and we made a fort my cousin started to touch me and kiss me in the fort until now I didn’t realize this wasn’t okay not telling anyone not even my mom. Now just boys sexually abuse girls but girls can sexually abuse girls too. But okay, the last even that I remember happened more than once by my “friend”, she was 14 and I was 9 or 8 at the time. I slept over at her house, her dad being a drunk was asleep on the couch. So me and my “friend” we’re in her room with no supervision. She began by asking me if I ever kissed anyone before I didn’t answer so she started kissing me telling me she would show me how to. She then started to get on top of me, she was heavy and I tried to get her off or tell her to stop but she didn’t listen,she rubbed me, kissed me, after that she went under the blanket and started to lick my private area she then said that I had to do it to her because she did it to me I felt so dirty and ashamed, but I was scared so I did it. I hated having her come over or go to her house. Because she would sexually abuse me every time. I never knew that this was wrong because they would tell me it’s okay. I’ve never told anyone about this not even my mom because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed I would let this happen to me. I blame myself for not doing anything more just lying there at time. I’m scared to post this. But I’m gonna be brave.