As an 8 or 9 year old my step-father sexually abused me. Although I had no idea at the time he was grooming me. He would come into my room at night and touch me or “cuddle” me on the sofa and make me touch him. I was so scared and very confused. He had spy holes into our bathroom ceiling and in the bathroom door. He would run upstairs to watch when we bathed. He sexually assaulted my eldest sister too, she spoke out but I kept it a secret for years.
Although I feel he never hurt me, it has caused so much psychological damage. I’ve have had lots of counselling and been on anti depressants for years. After having my first child 5 years ago and second 2 years I was so scared that I was going to become a paedophile too and abuse my own children. Also being terrified that my husband would too. After therapy I can now manage my thoughts and realise they are only thoughts and won’t turn into reality.
He has ruined my sexual relationships as I now cannot stand to be touched and having sex with my husband causes so many horrible emotions even though I love him so much.
I hope with time and maybe more counselling I will find this easier and I want to wish any person that has been through any abuse or going through abuse; you are not alone and life can go on. Xxxx
I hope that in time you are able to find some peace and some additional healing. I believe that healing is possible. I don’t know if it all ever goes away, but I do know that it is possible to continue on with life without it defining you. I want to thank you for sharing your story here. Light and love to you.