Childhood Trauma

they say forgive and you will forget but I have forgiven but never forgot, everyday being reminded by the years of being molested by my best friends dad at the age of 6-8 to scared to tell anyone because I didn’t know what he was capable of,

this wasn’t supposed to happen again, then it did, over and over again

then that night..
that night i couldn’t bare to keep what was happening a secret

putting his penis
in my mouth at the age of 7
exploring the parts of my body that i was told are private

i was done hiding something that was traumatizing me, I am done hurting physically and emotionally
not caring of what he would do if I ever told

so that night I went to woke up my best friend with the words of
“I have to tell you something”

hesitating to tell someone who could end this forever
then quietly blurted out
“your dad touched me”

feeling relieved that I wasn’t the only one knowing what was happening

quickly turning into helplessness when she said ” no he didn’t do that”

and with my stupid words that replied “your right”

not understanding why she would think I would make that up.. but I never brought it back up to her

years later i made another best friend and I told her what I told my old friend
and that..
that is what freed me from him because she told her mom, who told my parents

I thought it was over when he was sent to prison

but that was only the beginning
now my brother decides to take his place…

then my friends cousin decides to take my brothers place

again, and again I could never flee from bad experiences that made me into a 20 year old woman who has been suffering from anxiety and depression..

but she left, the only person who was stopping him from molesting me left me.

— Rachel Serzy, age 20