When I was young I was in this children’s choir. Every summer they had an overnight at a camp grounds to prepare for the next season. The first time I went there, I was 11. I went with my best friend at the time who had just gotten new glasses. We arrived and headed to the club house for practice and she realized she had forgotten her glasses. I told her I would get them. On the way back I got a little lost and didn’t know which cabin was hers but ended up picking on. I had to the back of the cabin, where I thought her bunk was and started to look for her bag. He grabbed me from the back of my neck and pushed me into the bed. He told me if I looked at him he would hurt me and my friends. He continue to hold me down as he took of my pants and raped me. After he was done, I laid perfectly still for a long time, scared he was still there, until eventually people came back from practice. I was so scared I would have to see him again, I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. I just wanted it to go away. I regret not saying anything.
— Survivor, age 35
Dear survivor,
It makes so much sense why you didn’t say anything for a long time. So many survivors say that they just “wanted it to go away”. I’ve learned that not saying anything is one way that survivors seek to protect themselves. I hope that you are able to tell your 11 year old self that you did everything you had to do to survive. You are very brave. With love, Alissa