Close Call

I dated a guy, for a day, in second grade. My memories of him that day consisted of us holding hands doing circles around the skating rink. In sixth grade, we were once again in school together. I remember him telling everyone I was his ex girlfriend and I thought it was weird because we only dated a day at such a young age. Anyway, him and I remained friends and talked on the phone periodically through my middle school and high school years. During my senior year of high school, after I had recently broke up with my then boyfriend of 3 years, my cousins and I went to his house. He had a couple friends over and we were down in the basement listening to music. I knew he still had a crush on me but he was too short for my liking. I remember he asked if he can talk to me. I said sure. He said alone upstairs. I said sure. I thought nothing serious of it. I honestly thought he was going to confess his feelings for me. Anyway, we get upstairs to a guest bedroom and I had a seat on the bed. He closes and locks the door a little weird but at the time I didn’t see him as a threat whatsoever. He sits next to me and asks about my ex-boyfriend and I reinforce we are no longer dating. Some aspect are a little fizzy because It was about 7 years ago, but I remember somehow standing and him picking me up and throwing me on the bed. He then pulled my shirt down. I was forcefully pushing his head away but he kept moving my hand. I kept trying to get up and he kept pushing me back down. I can’t remember if I said no because at the time I didn’t want to make this unwanted situation real for me. I felt if I said no, and he continued, I would then officially be being raped. I knew he wouldn’t stop. I also thought If I played along it would give me time to escape. I mean, I was pushing his head away from me, attempting to get up and leave. How could he assume I wanted this? I asked him to hold on and talk to me before we do anything. I acted as if I wanted to but I wanted to see if he really liked me first. I did attempt to stand and walk toward the door and he got up and blocked the door. I tried to make it seem like I was getting up just to get my purse. I tried not to seem concerned. I said I had to check something on my phone. I then quickly texted my cousin to come upstairs and get me. She knocked on the the door and he looked at me and said “you asked her to come up here?” upset. I said nothing and he opened the door for her and I walked out. He tried to say bye to me when I went to the car. I said nothing. He acted like he didn’t just assault me. I never told anyone. Not even my cousin who rescued me. I guess he didn’t rape me and I felt this wasn’t significant enough to share. But it is sexual assault. Its also embarrassing. But apart of me wants someone to know because I fear for other girls in his presence.

— Survivor, age 24