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This happened recently and I’m not sure if it was rape or not. But I want to share this. I was mad at a guy I’m seeing for dumb reasons. I ignored him all day at work. Our coworker asked me for a ride home. I complied. As I’m driving he mentions that he has great weed and if I’d like to smoke and hang out w him. He said he had a girlfriend but she was out. I don’t smoke weed but I really wanted to feel “stoned”. I said yeah I can hang out with you for a little bit. I’m thinking 30 min tops. We get to his apt no sign of his girlfriend or when she will be back. We smoke pot. He brings me an alcoholic drink. I’m feeling high and drunk. Next thing he says is, “should I use a rubber? I don’t like playing games, it wastes time.”m I say yes. I’m thinking at this point that I don’t really want to have sex with him but another voice is telling me you have to go thru with this you are here in his apt. Next thing I know I take off my shirt, I want to keep my bra on but he takes it off. I’m not comfortable with this. I want to stop. I feel like a coward. I let him inside me and I still feel wasted and high. I tell him I have to go! I have to be somewhere. As I’m dressing he says to me “Thank you for being discreet and don’t tell anybody.” I don’t know how I managed to drive home. I know I was not in a driving condition. I feel ashamed, confused and disappointed in myself. My friend tells me it was date rape but I’m not sure. I feel uneasy around him and even fear. I’m 39, he is 24.

— Noehmi


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