I went away to college, after being in a very mentally abusive relationship before, I was craving love and attention. I met a guy in my first week at college he was 18 and cute, I was amazed that he wanted to hang out with me so I fell for it.
It was my first weekend at college and me and this guy, Tom (lets call him) were hanging out in the communal kitchen of my (girls only) block.
A girl I knew from my course walks in and pulls out two bottles of wine, which we all tucked into, we had music playing and since it was past curfew for us under 18yo, it attracted attention from the wardens who promptly kicked Tom (who seemed pretty sober) out and gave me and the girl a disciplinary for drinking.
I was very drunk by this point and what I didn’t realize was that Tom had taken my keys to my block..
Once the warden had left and I had gone to bed, Tom lets himself back into the block and into my room. He gets into bed with me and starts touching me, which woke me up.
My mind (and the wine) has blocked out bits of my memory but I remember asking him what he was doing as he took my knickers off. I felt him enter me, He was the second guy I had ever slept
and he was 6’4ft.. it hurt, a lot!
I was in and out of consciousness during the whole thing and I don’t remember if he left straight after or in the morning but when I woke up I remember thinking “what the fuck happened last night?”
I just kind of thought that it was the norm at college, you get drunk and have sex.. I didn’t even consider that I was raped until a couple years later.
I was mad at him for not knowing better about the music and drinking, which got me into trouble, the college had to tell my parents about the wine as I was under 18.
How could I possibly tell my parents that I was also raped, I know they wouldn’t have but at the time I thought I’d get into more trouble for having sex.
I never reported it, I am now 21 and my parents still don’t know, but I am seeing a therapist now (for various other reasons too). for some reason it all seems to be resurfacing now and I recently had flashbacks… I don’t know whether to report it to the police or not, which would mean telling my Dad, which I know would hurt him.
— Emily, age 21
Dear Emily – I am really glad you are seeing a therapist and getting help. Sometimes what you talk about with a therapist brings things up which is hard but probably is something you need to work through. As for telling the police – that’s a very tough decision. I would definitely talk to your therapist about it and maybe see if you can find a rape crisis center near you who could talk to you about what that process would be like. Not wanting anyone else to get hurt just shows that you have a huge heart and that is really impressive and beautiful. Wishing you luck and love on this journey. Love, Alexis