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Don’t Know

I was 17 and he was 20 we were dating for 4 months he was lovely. He moved to London and I stayed at his for the weekend but it wasn’t the 1st time. Everything was normal. He put my phone on charge for me as we were watching Mean Girls when he started undressing me, he said I looked hot but I knew it was a trick, I wasn’t stupid. I had a cover over me and I was naked and a it scared to move he said that he will get me a drink to relax me. I didn’t have a problem it was not the 1st time I drank underage but he made it so strong, it was vodka and coke but it tasted differently. I know what vodka and coke taste like and that was not it. So I sipped it hardly drinking it. I guessed he noticed because he tried forcing it down my throat and he succeed. I was terrified. I tried to get my phone he was having none of it. I don’t really remember much. I remember a few times him forcing his self on me I tried to fight but I was too weak. I must of passed out a few times because I remember waking up in his bed naked a few time not remembering falling asleep. I felt like that the whole of the weekend I lost my virginity that night.

When I was 18, I was out with a mate in a club I drank a hell of a lot of alcohol that night. I always did when I drink but never to the point where I cannot think, stand or black out but that night. I did. I blacked out I was in a back of a car without my friend but with two guys I all I remember is waking up and a guy is in me. I said stop a few times but then I passed out, waking up on the stairs near bus station. I called a friend to come get. I know it was all my fault like the 1st time.

It was a few months down the line I was scared to go out talk to people. I just wanted to be alone but one of my friends he wasn’t having it. He came to my house picked me up and we went to his. I have known him for three years his always been a good friend to me, whenever I need him, he said he could help me get my feat over trusting guys I was undress and he was going to enter me but I couldn’t do it. I tried telling him but he wouldn’t listen he held me down like the others and fucked me. I was screaming for him to stop he never did. He took me home after and I never talked to him again.

I had enough after that three times by different guys I swore I’d never trust another guy but I did when I was 20. I talked to the guy for 9 months before we started dating I told everything that happened he was pissed the 1st time I have ever told anyone but he did the same as them, I really wasn’t ready to fuck a guy. I was too scare but he said its not rape we are together, were a couple I tried everything I could, Everything but it wasn’t good enough he didn’t care he did that through our 3 month relationship. I couldn’t breakup with I was scared of him he was a very forceful person he ended it and I was so grateful that he did I’m still 20. This is the 1st time I’ve shared this with anyone its one of the hardest things I have ever done but the thing is this was all my fault because I trusted people sorry if this has upset anyone I needed to let out for the 1st time and the last time.

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  • jojo
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