I was 17 and he was 20 we were dating for 4 months he was lovely. He moved to London and I stayed at his for the weekend but it wasn’t the 1st time. Everything was normal. He put my phone on charge for me as we were watching Mean Girls when he started undressing me, he said I looked hot but I knew it was a trick, I wasn’t stupid. I had a cover over me and I was naked and a it scared to move he said that he will get me a drink to relax me. I didn’t have a problem it was not the 1st time I drank underage but he made it so strong, it was vodka and coke but it tasted differently. I know what vodka and coke taste like and that was not it. So I sipped it hardly drinking it. I guessed he noticed because he tried forcing it down my throat and he succeed. I was terrified. I tried to get my phone he was having none of it. I don’t really remember much. I remember a few times him forcing his self on me I tried to fight but I was too weak. I must of passed out a few times because I remember waking up in his bed naked a few time not remembering falling asleep. I felt like that the whole of the weekend I lost my virginity that night.
When I was 18, I was out with a mate in a club I drank a hell of a lot of alcohol that night. I always did when I drink but never to the point where I cannot think, stand or black out but that night. I did. I blacked out I was in a back of a car without my friend but with two guys I all I remember is waking up and a guy is in me. I said stop a few times but then I passed out, waking up on the stairs near bus station. I called a friend to come get. I know it was all my fault like the 1st time.
It was a few months down the line I was scared to go out talk to people. I just wanted to be alone but one of my friends he wasn’t having it. He came to my house picked me up and we went to his. I have known him for three years his always been a good friend to me, whenever I need him, he said he could help me get my feat over trusting guys I was undress and he was going to enter me but I couldn’t do it. I tried telling him but he wouldn’t listen he held me down like the others and fucked me. I was screaming for him to stop he never did. He took me home after and I never talked to him again.
I had enough after that three times by different guys I swore I’d never trust another guy but I did when I was 20. I talked to the guy for 9 months before we started dating I told everything that happened he was pissed the 1st time I have ever told anyone but he did the same as them, I really wasn’t ready to fuck a guy. I was too scare but he said its not rape we are together, were a couple I tried everything I could, Everything but it wasn’t good enough he didn’t care he did that through our 3 month relationship. I couldn’t breakup with I was scared of him he was a very forceful person he ended it and I was so grateful that he did I’m still 20. This is the 1st time I’ve shared this with anyone its one of the hardest things I have ever done but the thing is this was all my fault because I trusted people sorry if this has upset anyone I needed to let out for the 1st time and the last time.
helo never ever blame yourself for someone else’s mistake it does not give any one the right to do what they have done with you my heart goes out to you I also experienced almost rape at the age of 10 and still to this day I cant forgive that man who treid to rape me I was a child at that time im now 34 years of age I dated my boyfriend for 13 years and he also did rape me for almost 5 years this is the 1st time im also talking about it but you know what my dear it only made me a stronger person today …….
Awe that’s okay sweetheart!It was never your fault at all,you need to quit drinking alot especially to the point where you get drunk and pass out!You need to focus on bettering yourself and there is always a past to someone,Including me! Never be ashamed everyone who has shared a story is a Victim as well as you!You just need to focus on bettering yourself because a better you will attract a nice man who actually cares about you and isn’t trying to get inside your pants! If I was you I wouldn’t have sex until you get married to someone who genuinely loves you and gives you the attention and comfort you need!You don’t need to tell the next guy what has happened until ya’ll are atleast talking for more than a year and he treats you like a lady!
This was not your fault. The men did it to you; they had no right to, so it is their fault. You are completely without blame. I am so sorry these things happened to you. I want you to know that you are a beautiful person. This doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person – you are. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worth anything – you are. Men do these things as a power trip, to express their anger at women or a woman in particular, or simply because they are very randy and need and want to have sex.
Again, you are a beautiful young woman. You are a good person, and a beautiful young lady. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have a great life. I am saying a prayer for you as I type this. Please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t feel worthless – it’s not true! God loves you. And yes, you need to be very careful about trusting men.
I want you to know that none of this is your fault. You are not responsible for the harm done to you at the hands of another person. Each of these men made the decision to hurt you. You are not to blame. I hope that sharing your story for the first time in writing is helpful for you. Sometimes putting words to our experiences is the most positive and helpful thing we can do. I am really proud of you for sharing, it takes a lot of bravery to do so. If you ever feel the need, there are great resources available to help you through this. You are never alone. I will keep you in my thoughts. Light, love, and solidarity, Alissa
The first time I was raped I was around seven years old. It was by my older cousin. After I kept saying no he said gee would do it to my sister. So I protected her. I was fourteen when he stopped. I’m fifteen now, and had around three months free when his brother started doing it too. He said the same thing about my sister. My latest rape ended five minutes ago.
Elle, please tell someone. They may be hurting your sister too. I wish I knew my rapist so I could turn him in.