One day I was hanging out with my on again off again boyfriend at the time. That day everything was normal and one thing led to another. During this session he expressed that he wanted to try anal, which he had expressed before. I, like all other times, told him no but he kept persisting, and I finally told him to stop. He did, and I thought I would go home and it would be done with. His demands wouldn’t bother me more. I didn’t know I would be very wrong. As I got up he ask me where I was going. I told him home. He grabbed me and held me down., I tried to get back up but he tied me down and started continued where I asked him to stop. When he was done, I laid their still tied up. He went to the restroom when he came back he raped me again except this time he got what he wanted. After it all I didn’t know what I should do. I didn’t know who to confide in since he was the one I confided everything. I stayed in my dorm room for a week not really doing anything. I ended up going back to him for a few more weeks and it happened again a few more times. To this day only my current boyfriend knows, I’ve never told anyone else about it.
— Survivor, age 20
Dear survivor,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you felt comfortable and safe sharing with this community. I hope that getting the words out to people other than your current boyfriend helps you find some peace and helps life some weight off of your shoulders. With love and solidarity, Alissa
Dear Survivor
Why would you go back again and again and have this dog do you like that? You need some self defense skills to protect yourself girl, and destroy anyone’s manhood that don’t understand the word NO.
And why tell your current boyfriend? Just then you put ideas in his head!
I pray for you to first sort yourself out (get that hurt fixed) before moving on.
Dear Cynthia,
Why are you taking it upon yourself to criticize this survivor? Everyone reacts to being violated differently. I imagine she probably had some low self esteem after the first incident and went back because of the self loathing that can often develop from being assaulted. She even said she confided in him for everything. I can imagine stuff gets pretty confusing, when the person you think you can trust ends up abusing you. As much as it may seem to someone outside of the situation, the situation itself is not always black and white inside a survivor’s mind. A lot of messed up things can happen to your brain after surviving having someone take away your bodily autonomy.
If she can trust her current boyfriend enough to tell him what has happened to her, I consider that a victory. I hope for her sake he reacts with the compassion she deserves.