I was involved with a married man. I know I was wrong for being with him but the chemistry was strong. I cannot describe the shame I feel from being with him. He was really into s and m stuff and we used code words or if he was too overzealous- I would tell him to stop and he would. One particular night, he was being way too aggressive and I kept telling him to stop, slow down, it hurts. Instead he pushed me further into the mattress, holding me in place and raped me. I knew he was getting out of control because during the episode I smelled blood. He was ripping into me so hard. I was bleeding all over my sheets. He finally finished, throw away the condom and said ” see you later.” I curled up into a ball and fell asleep with tears in my eyes. I remember feeling low, disgusted. I kept trying to convince myself it was consensual and he just got too aggressive but it didn’t work. I knew I had been raped. I dropped all contact with him and kept it secret for months. I couldn’t focus and my grades suffered (I am in college) he took a huge part of me and I want it back. I am hoping by sharing my story, I can begin to heal. Rape is rape. And I know that now.
— Survivor, age 27