I was involved with a married man. I know I was wrong for being with him but the chemistry was strong. I cannot describe the shame I feel from being with him. He was really into s and m stuff and we used code words or if he was too overzealous- I would tell him to stop and he would. One particular night, he was being way too aggressive and I kept telling him to stop, slow down, it hurts. Instead he pushed me further into the mattress, holding me in place and raped me. I knew he was getting out of control because during the episode I smelled blood. He was ripping into me so hard. I was bleeding all over my sheets. He finally finished, throw away the condom and said ” see you later.” I curled up into a ball and fell asleep with tears in my eyes. I remember feeling low, disgusted. I kept trying to convince myself it was consensual and he just got too aggressive but it didn’t work. I knew I had been raped. I dropped all contact with him and kept it secret for months. I couldn’t focus and my grades suffered (I am in college) he took a huge part of me and I want it back. I am hoping by sharing my story, I can begin to heal. Rape is rape. And I know that now.
— Survivor, age 27
Dear Survivor, thank you for sharing your story. I hope that by sharing it you have started on your healing journey, I think that in most cases putting our trauma into words is an important first step in that direction. There are so many parts of your experience that resonate strongly with me. I believe you can get all the parts of yourself back. Much love to you.
Dear survivor,
I am so glad you felt safe sharing your story with the Brave Miss World community. It is so easy to try to convince yourself that this was consensual. Rape is rape. You told him to stop and he didn’t. Healing from rape can take a long time. The journey is different for everyone, but it is definitely possible. I hope that sharing your story here helps you to begin to heal. Know that you are very brave and that you did nothing wrong. Light and love to you – Alissa