I was married once before to a bartender with a drug problem. Many nights he would encourage me to come down to the bar and drink with him and his coworkers after closing up. Many nights I would stumble my way out of the bar after 2 drinks, make it home, and completely black out. The next morning I would always wake up with no underwear on and confused. This was a regular occurrence until I woke up with my husband inside of me. I told him to stop, and he shoved his hand over my face until he finished. For some reason, I stayed after that for 2 months. I tried to make it seem like it never happened, because I was too embarrassed to have to explain how my husband could rape me. The last straw was when we went out drinking, and he decided that he wanted to go buy some drugs, which I was not okay with. He put me in a taxi with 3 of his male acquaintances and told me that he would meet me at their place. He also told his friends in the cab to “do whatever” with me. I was then molested by these men in the taxi. The next morning I moved out and filed for divorce. We have been divorced for 4 years. He has a daughter now, and I’m terrified for her.
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It took a lot of courage and strength to come to terms with your husband raping you. It takes resilience and resolve to move out and file for divorce. You are an incredible force and it makes perfect sense that you are scared for his daughter. I am grateful you shared your story here. I hope it brings you comfort and peace knowing that your story will help others. Light and love to you, Alissa
In 2010 my ex husband raped me 3x. It was the last month we were together. It wasnt the typical rape you see on tv. He smothered me with his body while I quietly cried and begged him to stop. I was terrified to scream or run or fight back because he had begun to show a violent side. He never physically hit me but he did rape me. I remember how nonchalant he went about his days after those moments. It wasn’t until years later that I learned a husband could rape a wife, and that being afraid tonight back meant I was being raped. I still remember thinking Is this happening?? I am saying no. He can hear me. I will never tell our daughters it was him but I will share this experience with them so they know I will always believe them and always have their backs. Ive never written this down. Thank you.