I was 17 years old i was a virgin I had this boyfriend for a couple of weeks and then he went to university in another city, i went to visit him and lied to my parents telling them i was going to visit a friend on The same city because she lived close to The campus and that was The university i wanted to attend. I arrived to my friends home and my boyfriend carne to pick me up there, so i would be staying at his place. I didn’t knew where he was taking me and neither knew who he lived with, when we arrived to his house i saw his mother and felt relieved, everything was ok that day. His mother was really sweet, and showed me The room i was staying in. That first night i went to sleep,and i think around 2 or 3 am he came into my Room and woke me up and began kissing me i was really sleepy he sat me on The bed and was standing in front of me and began to force me to give him oral sex, i was really scared and didn’t knew what to do, he then pushed me into bead and i could hear the tearing of the condom package, he tried to get inside me but was not that easy my legs where really tight, i don’t know what happened then, my next memory is having him inside me and moving on top of me i could hear him asking if i liked it but i couldn’t answer i thought i was dreaming, after he finished he got dressed and went to his room, i just fall asleep again and didn’t Wake up until next afternoon, i really thought it was a dream The Next Day a friend came to pick me up but i said nothing. that same day i went to another City to see my father and my boyfriend called me to join me there, i told him it was ok, and he even met my father, we were staying at a hotel and he got a Room on The same hotel, that night i was sleeping and heard someone was knocking on The door it was him and asked me to let him in he wanted to talk. I was watching tv and he came closer to me and began touching me i was petrified, he took my wrists and put them behind my head i tried to move but my body was not responding as i wanted, he then stop taking my hands and began looking for something i then knew he was looking for a condom, i could hear him opening it, i could see him putting it on, i tried to get out of bed and he pushed me into it and held my hands again with One of his hands and pulled my pants down with His other hand, i tried to push him back with my knees but couldn’t push him away, he then forced my legs and got inside me, in that moment i was strenghtless i just wanted him to stop because he was really hurting me, after he finished he showed me The condom tied up and told me not to worry and that he would buy also some pills so i can be certain i was not getting pregnant, After a while a just stand and reached The bathroom to take a shower, i still dated him for a couple of months more, i’ve never told this to anyone.
— Survivor, age 34
Dear survivor,
It took so much courage and vulnerability to share this story that you’ve been keeping in for half your life. I am really very grateful to have read it. I hope sharing your story helped you find some peace and I hope you know that you are not alone. I stand with you in solidarity. With love, Alissa
Thank you for your words, I always thought it was my fault because I wasn’t supposed to be with him, and I think there is still a part of me that believe that, I think about it right know and after I wrote my story sometimes I go back and read it as If I was someone else and there is a little voice in my mind telling me I could have do something else, as I was strong enough to push him away. After all this years each time I think of this I can feel the weakness in my body.