I remember the day it began. I was 6 and my two older brothers said we would play a game. My mother and father were off at work starting at 4am till 8pm and grandma always took long naps during the day so my brothers who were 17 and 12 would watch over us younger kids. My sisters who were 5 and 2 at the time didn’t really want to play with them but I thought nothing of it. My older brother took me to the bathroom where he sat on the toilet and pulled out his penis. He told me to touch it and then to put my mouth on it. I didn’t want to but he said it was part of the game. So I did what it said. It was horrible and when it was finished he had me clean up and said it he would now get me ice cream and candy.
This would go on for a year and I got used to it. Since I was never told it was wrong. He eventually got my 12 year old brother to do this too and brought my little sister in on it. Once I was 8 they took it to another level of horror.
I remember waking up one morning with my 18 yr old brother on top me. He had pulled my panties down and was rubbing his penis between my legs. He didn’t penetrate me just kept rubbing it between my legs until he was done. I would hide my stained panties in the closet. I told him I didn’t like this and didn’t want to do it anymore. He told me mom and dad wouldn’t believe me and he would hurt my little sister if I didn’t. So I kept my mouth shut. He continued do this every morning for 2 years.
By the time I hit 10, school had had that sex talk. I wanted to tell my parents but my brothers got involved with guns, drug and one had already gone to jail a few times. My older brother was finally out of the house at 20 but my other brother who was now 16 took over where he left off. I remember playing in a box fort in my garage the day it happened. My sisters were sick so we all stayed home from school. My brother wanted to try something and he put me up on a box in the garage. He pulled off my pants and panties and kept rubbing himself on me. I thought he would finish like my other brother but he didn’t he said it would hurt a bit but would feel good after he was done. He covered my mouth and pushed inside of me. It was so painful. I tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let me. He kept going and I started to cry. He finished quick in me and told me to put on my cloths. I went to the bathroom and cleaned off the blood and seamen.
This went on for 2 years. He would pull me in his room when my grandmother was sleeping or into the garage on the cold floor and rape me. He stopped when he finally got a girlfriend who was 14 when I was 12 and he got her pregnant. He never touched me again.
I eventually told my parents at 16 when he was finally in jail for horrible crimes. And the worst thing I could imagine happened. They said they didn’t believe me. My sister came forward and said it happened to her too but not to that extend. My father said he would never believe me and my mother blamed me for not telling her. My father had always favored his sons over his daughters and explained that girls were useless.
I didn’t let this stop me. I went to college, got degrees and I am now 34 with 2 beautiful little girls and 2 more on the way but I still have horrible flash backs to these moments. There are still smells and sounds that trigger me and I know I will never forget. I have not seen my brothers since I was 16 and my children don’t even know they exist. I will tell them one day about what happened when I was a child but for now I let them know they can always talk to me about anything. I will never forgive my brothers. I don’t have to. But it does not bar me from being happy.
— Kori, age 34