When I was 9 years old I was sexually abused by the man who was my grandma’s husband (but he wasn’t exactly my grandfather). I remember it perfectly. It was at night. My grandma was in the bathroom. And it all happened in just a couple of minutes. At first he was tickling me and I was laughing…but then it happened. He put his hand inside my PJs and started touching me. I knew it was wrong. And I hated it. I still remember his exact words: “Let’s keep this beautiful secret.” And I nodded. Just to play along for my own safety. But I felt so filthy. So disgusted by this whole act. And I wasn’t going to keep quiet. I was terrified. So I waited ’till he fell asleep and since he, my grandma and I were sharing a bed, I told her. She was shocked and told me to wait until the morning so we could talk about it. And I fell asleep. The next morning I was terrified. And my grandma confronted him. And he denied it. Right in front of my face. It was repulsive. I told him “Deny it all you want. But there’s a God above us. And he knows the truth.” I’m relieved I didn’t keep quiet. 3 months later, he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. My mom loved him dearly and was really affected by his death. So I didn’t tell her what happened that night. And she still doesn’t know. I’m worried that if I tell her, it will harm her. I’m afraid that she’ll feel really sad. And I think it will shatter this whole positive image she had about him. (She has known him since she was a teenager.) But I feel like telling her will make a huge step in leaving all of this behind. But I just don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want her to be mentally destroyed. Because I love her so much. And even though I’m 16 years old now it’s still hard for me not to tell her since we have such a close relationship. And this whole experience has really hurt me to the point that I can’t trust any older man. The only one I really trust is my dad. And it’s sad since I live with my stepfather and ever since this incident occurred, I stopped being close to him. And it has ruined my relationship with him. And I hate it. I hate that, that what he did to me really hurt me. And it mentally f*cked me up. He stole my innocence. As for my grandma? She’s losing parts of her memory. And now she doesn’t remember what happened that night. After 7 years of that incident I finally found someone I really trust, my boyfriend. I’ve known him for 3 years. And after one night of telling him about how my family was like, it hit me. And I was petrified. Because I remembered that incident. And I told him that there were some things that I couldn’t tell him just, yet. He got really curious and started to ask me about it. And I told him. He froze. And I could see how his face went from curious to shocked, and sad. I cried. He hugged me. And I could see that his eyes started to fill with tears. He couldn’t believed that I was a survivor. And told me that he felt really sorry that I had to go through that alone. He’s really supportive about this whole situation. I’m 16 years old. I want to tell my mom about it. But I’m not sure if I should do it now or keep waiting until I have 18 years old. I don’t want to hurt her. And I really don’t know what to do.
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Thank you for posting your story here. You clearly have a very big heart. Telling people what happened is so complicated because of the dynamic of worrying about their feelings and their reactions. I’m really glad that your boyfriend has been supportive. As for telling your mom, that’s such a personal decision and I won’t pretend like I have the answer (I wish I did). One thing I would say is that you don’t necessarily have to tell everything all at once. You could say that something happened without saying who. I’m NOT suggesting lying – just telling in pieces rather than everything at once. It might also help to talk to a therapist who can help you figure out an approach for what to do. I’m thinking of you and sending you love!! Alexis
Thank you for replying…I thought that no one was going to do that. I wish I could go to a therapist, but my parents think that I shouldn’t because my life is ‘normal’ and I don’t need it. And I wish I could talk to my school counselor but I don’t want to bring this incident into another part of my life. I think I’ll tell her when I’m 18…But slowly…Because I feel like she deserves to know this. Really, once again thank for replying and listening.
I totally understand about not wanting to merge two “parts” of your life. What about calling a rape crisis hotline? It’s not the same as continuous therapy but it would allow you to talk more about it and maybe get the weight more off of your shoulders. You deserve to be listened to and respected. And as for telling your mom…. it’s not about her. It’s about YOU and what YOU need. If you need her to know then I would encourage you to tell her in the way that works best for you. If that’s in little pieces and slowly then that’s perfect. Love, Alexis
I hadn’t thought about calling a crisis hotline…I’m not sure if there’s one in my country. (And if there is, I don’t it’s going to be very helpful.) And I’m pretty sure that if I call the US one, it’s going to be one expensive call. That’s why I decided to try a forum/blog and told my story here. But thanks for the advice. And you’re right. She deserves to know and I deserve to say it to her. I’ll do it eventually. Thank you for everything.
It took me 7 years to tell my mother about my sexual assault. But I had only wished I had done it sooner. You will feel the right time to tell her, and its a giant weight off your shoulders. Even though your mother loved him, she loves YOU more. She wants whats best for you and to protect you, and keeping this from her will only hurt you dear 🙁 I wish you the best of luck!!
Thank you for replying. I somehow feel like it’s time to tell her. Because when I told my boyfriend about it, I really felt a like this giant weight on my shoulders just left. But I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll tell next month…Or in 2 years…Who knows? I just hope I don’t hurt her. And I know she’ll understand me. She’ll finally understand why did I become so isolated from everyone and how it damaged my relationships with my family at that age. Thank you for replying. And I’m so happy that you overcame this bad experience. After all, we’re not victims. We’re survivors. 🙂
Roxy you survived this you are brave.
Since he is not alive now…so the beat option is to forgive him and let it go.
Get over an start living your life fullest.
World is so beautiful and vast.
Enjoy and have fun.