This last February/March I was raped by someone I formally call my friend. After drinking too much one Friday night our friend group was hanging out, we all got up to walk down the hall to another room in our dorm when he grabbed my breast and pulled me into the men’s bathroom. I told him no and he proceeded to say “don’t you dare be telling anyone about this you hear?” And then started raping me from behind and eventually shoved it down my throat too. I was traumatized after that and only told a few close friends. Then another drunk night, 2 weeks later, he struck again. This time coming into my room touching me and then sticking his part into my mouth and choking me. My friends called the cops and they took him away. He is expelled from the college we went to and found guilty by them. But next step is trial and I’m extremely scared to see his face again and have all of our old friend group there (as they stopped talking to me because they think I’m lying). How does anyone deal with seeing their attacker in court after everything? How am I suppose to look him in the eyes after he took so much from me?
— Survivor, age 19
Dear Survivor – court can be a grueling process and seeing your attacker (and the old group of friends) can be so hard. I wish I had something to say that would make it easier. For me I brought a small but beautiful crystal that a friend had given me when I testified. I held it in my hand and looked at it sometimes during my testimony. It didn’t make him go away but forced me to remind myself of the beauty in the world. For me that helped. Some people might prefer to have someone in the gallery to look at who supports them. Unfortunately nothing will make your attacker leave the room. The one piece of advice I can give you is to try to take it one step at a time. The court process is a very long one and there’s a lot of steps before you testify. I know this is so much easier said than done but dealing with literally the next thing someone asked me to do is the only way I got through it. Sending you love and wishing you the best.
I’m in highschooo but I had a very similar experience to you, after I was raped by a boy in my grade that I knew (also was my current boyfriends bestfriend) my school expelled him but then my entire school found out and almost everyone called me a liar or believed it happened but still hated me beavuse I was a snitch. Next the police part came, I was too scared to go to trial for the same reasons as you. So I just want you to know you’re incredibly brace and I wish I had the strength you do. You’re in my thoughts and I send you extra strength to get through this. Seeing your attacker will be awful but I believe in you and although I don’t really pray I do pray that you find justice, you’re very brave