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Few People Know

I was 17 years old and told my mom that I was going over to my friends house to spend the night, and she told her parents the same thing. We’d been walking around the small town where we lived and ran across a friend of my boyfriends, whom I trusted. He asked if we wanted to ride around with him and his friend to drink some beer, and of course we both said yes. I noticed my friend and the friend in the car were getting along well, which made me happy. Even though I had a boyfriend, after drinking a few beers, I started kissing one of the guys in the back seat.

Later, we drove to his father’s place to get more beer, and almost got shot because his father thought we were burglars trying to steal from his store. If that wasn’t a sign…

Later we all went down by the river. There’s a bridge one can go under where a bunch of us smoked so we wouldn’t get caught. I wanted my two friends to hit it off, and went off with the guy I had kissed. I never expected it to go further than kissing, but he got me down, and I couldn’t get up. Some how, and I don’t know exactly how he did it, but I was trapped in my jeans so I couldn’t move my legs. I told him “No”, and tried several times to sit up, and he kept pushing me down. I was buzzed from the beers and felt so ashamed and thought I’d brought it on myself for kissing him and leading him on. Not to mention I’d lied to my mom about where I was.

After several days, I’d been ignoring my boyfriend and hiding from him. He finally found me and made me get into his truck. It’s a small town and word gets around so I didn’t have to say anything. He broke the silence by saying something about me and the guy. I told him that I didn’t want to, and that’s all I needed to say.

Later I saw my rapist with a woman and a baby at a restaurant and his arm was broken. I’d hoped my boyfriend did it for me. It also gave me some sense of justice to see his fear of me when he saw me.

He ran into me and didn’t understand why I didn’t yell out. I’d been just too ashamed at the time because I was trapped in my jeans which were down and felt it was my fault. My relationship with my boyfriend was never the same and we ended it.

For years I had no respect for myself and just let any guy do to me whatever they wanted, and because of the “small town” got the reputation of being loose (a more polite word for it). All the time, I’d really only wanted someone to hold and love me…

This happened to me a little over 40 years ago, and I feel more healed then ever after seeing this film. My prayers are with all girls and women who’ve suffered the same abuses.

One day I hope that all females in the world will be respected and cherished as they should be.

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