My First Memory

I was raped from before I can even remember till I was about 9. My parents were young whenever they had me, so I got left with my grandparents or aunts house a lot so that my parents could either work or go out and be normal 19 20 year olds. I stayed at my great aunts a lot she had 4 sons. Two of the sons had already moved out. So I hung around the other two a lot. I was an only child till I was six so they were like my brothers.. So I was grown up to think. I can’t remember the first time is ever happened, but my first memory is my cousin C told me that he wanted to play house. He use to always wanna be the dad if I was the mom. He had his own reasons why he wanted to play like that. He use to tell me that dad liked to put their hands inside moms because that how they loved each other. I don’t wanna get to detailed on what he use to do but for him it got real he use to tell me that one day we were gonna grow up and love each other and have a family but until then we were gonna play. Well on night he made us a tent and everyone was asleep. He made me wake up so that we could do mom and dad things. Well little did we both know his brother was awake. He watched us and then asked if he could join too. But C didn’t want to share moms n dads didn’t do that. So T got mad and said if we didn’t do what he told us he would tell on us. I begged him not too. Nothing happen that night.. nothing happened again in the house like that. If c wanted to play house he “volunteered to babysit me” after school the 2 hours my parents were still at work. My sister is a few months at this age.. Then my parents got divorced I choice to move on with my dad because he was moving hours away from them. My mom moved too but she ended up back there about a year later..’ Making my sister about 2-3 that’s whenever the other brother that found us started doing the same things to her. My sister was about 4 she came and stayed the weekend with us. My parents were remarried and my step mom had a son my sisters age. My step mom walked in on my 4 year old sister playing “house” with him.. We all had a family chat in the living room while they hounded my sister with questions. I say by her and I quietly asked her if it was the older brother. She said yes. I was to scared to come out myself. My parents called the police there was a year investigation they found him not guilty there was enough proof. And I still to this day being 21. I haven’t told anyone but my sister and I just told her a few months ago. I feel like everything is my fault.