I have never shared my story before in detail. I have told a couple close friends that I was raped but I can tell by how they react that they don’t believe me or it makes them uncomfortable.
I had known the guy for a few years, his family was close friends with my family. This was our first time hanging out one on one, we had been flirty before and we were flirting a lot that night but I never expected to have sex especially because he was seeing someone else.
We were drinking and he kept saying that I needed more because I wasn’t tipsy enough. We started making out and that went on for awhile but then I sensed that he wanted to have sex and I freaked out because I didn’t know if I wanted that! I remember saying that we shouldn’t do this and it wasn’t the right time or place, I was thinking that he must think me an idiot because I was near tears, he stopped kissing but only to shush me and keep going. After that everything is very foggy, I just froze up and let it happen. I prayed he would stop or something would happen to stop him but it didn’t. I think at one point during the assault I laughed but I don’t know why. Afterwards he left very quickly and I felt so numb inside, I felt no emotions and I remember waking up in a cold sweats that night.
I still blame myself because I didn’t fight him or scream for help and I did end up having sex with him on several different occasions after that. Oddly enough the cold sweats happened after each of those other times as well. SoMaybe he has no idea that it wasn’t completely consensual? And maybe I am and I was just asking for it but I’m glad for a chance to get this off of my chest at last.
— Survivor, age 23
Dear survivor – Sharing your story for the first time takes so much strength and bravery. I am so proud of you for putting it into words here. Please know that what he did to you is NOT your fault. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say know; you didn’t give your consent. Freezing up is actually a common response to trauma. It doesn’t fit neatly into the phrase “fight or flight” so we don’t hear about it a lot but if you do some research, or even read a lot of the stories on this site, you’ll see how common it is. I hope sharing here gave you some relief and helped you realize that you are not alone. I would encourage you – if you can – to keep sharing. You can start slowly, maybe with a close friend or a counselor. For me it helped to start very small but you should do whatever works for you, in the time it takes. Sending you love and support, Alexis
I have my story like same but m share with my hubby or my close friend but they react like m doing drama… that time they both with me but now after long time m seen that man …. and m so so scary … i don’t want go anywhere… i don’t want to face that man again ….. but no one with me …. m so lonely n m so scary …..