This is the first time I ever talk about this. I never told anyone, not my parents or a friend. This happened when I was 15, I’ve always been really quiet and shy, the stereotypical lonely kid. There was a guy in my class who would always try to argue with me, about pretty much anything, I would just ignore him. I’m not sure how it started, when was the first time, why did it happen, I’m not sure. All I can remember him, in an empty classroom, he trying to touch me, trying to lift up my school uniform. I kept saying no, but he wouldn’t stop, somehow I managed to run away from there, but it didn’t stop there, I wanted to forget it happened so I didn’t say anything, but after that, every other day he would corner me somewhere in the school and try and touch me. Sometimes even in the classroom, when everyone was there, he would put a jacket on top of me and try and touch my breasts. I was so ashamed of it. This went on for about a year, and I got myself in this really dark place. I started cutting myself, drank a lot, problems with bulimia and anorexia. I just hated myself for letting that happen to me and for so long., I hated the person I was. I stopped cutting myself and drinking, but I kinda just changed that for compulsively eat. I’m always anxious, and I feel really uncomfortable when a guy touches me, like just a hand shake or something. I just feel like there is something missing in me, and I don’t know how to get it back.
— Survivor, age 25
Dear survivor – sharing for your first time takes a lot of strength and I am very proud of you for posting here. I am honored to have read your story. Wanting to forget and pretend it didn’t happen make so much sense. If only we could make our minds and our bodies forget. I am INCREDIBLE proud of you for no longer cutting and drinking; those are amazing steps toward healing. I hope that sharing here took a little bit of the weight you are carrying and left it here. If you can, seeing a counselor can help you work through the anxiety and that feeling of missing something inside you – a feeling that I’m sure so many people reading this post can relate to. I am so grateful you have survived this far and I believe that you can move forward and find the light inside of you again. Love, Alexis
I am glad you shared this story. It took me years to tell mine. It a painful and long process so dont get discouraged! I had almost the same exact thing happen to me and they are sadly still around me everyday. I just want to say that your are strong to have said your story. I have only ever told a few people my entire story. From what I can tell you gave us most of the story but I am sure you will still need much healing. There are people here everywhere for you! I have the same problems around any guy and wish I could just be normal. I cant tell you how to fix it (bc I still struggle with it) but I understand and hope you can find some sort of peace i your life. You are very strong for overcome some of those bad things for you as well. I hope you keep improving everyday.