Foreign City

I was in London and travelling Europe with my best friend. One night in Soho these guys were buying us round after round to the point where I knew I was at my limit and tried to decline, with no success.

As the night progressed, he’d take my hand and put it down his pants, forcing me to touch him. Next thing I knew I was blind drunk with the guy telling me he just needed ten minutes of my time. Being so out of it, I naively had no idea what his intention was. All of a sudden he’s putting me in a cab and taking me down the road. I asked him where we were going and all he said was that we were going to his office. I stumbled out of the cab and he took me up the steps. As soon as we were inside the building he starts to kiss me and undo his pants. He grabs my head and pushes it down to his area where he shoves it in my mouth. Another 5 minutes later and I’m telling him no, but it’s falling on deaf ears. He’s stronger than me and I am so intoxicated I figure at this point it’s probably easier to just get it over with.

I stand back up and he undoes my jeans, which is at the time when my phone is buzzing from texts from my friend asking where I am. I’m telling him no, no, I have to go but all his reply is repetitively “no you don’t”. He starts to have sex with me then turns me around, pins me against the wall and continues. Finally, I find the strength to force him off me and do my jeans up. He walks me outside and has the nerve to ask if he can put his number in my phone. I say yes for the soul reason if I need to contact him for legal issues. He hails me a cab, prepays it and I’m dropped back at the bar where my friend is waiting and undoubtedly losing her mind.

The weeks following were probably the hardest days mentally for me, trying to keep panic and anxiety attacks at bay. I have never felt so worthless and used. I didn’t press charges and never will, because I still blame myself.

— Survivor, age 21