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Four Years Ago

It happened four years ago, but I have talked about it for the first time only 10 days ago.
I was 13, and I met this guy on Facebook. He told me he was 25.
I thought he was kind, smart, and also nice and pretty. I didn’t think he was evil, or that he could be a pedophile. I used to trust people, both young and old. I had also some family issues, so I used to get attached to people.
He asked me to meet, one day, because we live in the same city. I was stupid, I accepted.
We met after school, he came out of the building and took me in the car. We decided, the previous evening, to go to a cafe. But it didn’t happen.
He drove for at least a hour, and we got in a lonely place. I was terrified, because he showed to me a gun. After we had got there, he moved from his sit, to mine, and started doing whatever he wanted. I have never been so frightened in my life. I prayed him to stop, but he didn’t care. He cared only about his sexual pleasure. After he had finished, he started to beat me. I still don’t understand why. I felt exhausted, I wanted to end it all.
He ordered to me to put on my clothes again, and after, he brought me to the city, again. When I arrived home, I went to the shower and tried to clean and purify myself, but it was impossible.
Now, at 17, I have a lot of mental issues, including anxiety, panic attacks, borderline personality disorder. I have also many problems with body contact, and I used to abuse of drugs and alcohol.
After 4 years, I have found the bravery to talk to someone about what happened to me. This person is very important to me, and showed all his love to me.
I wish crimes like rape didn’t exist.

— Chiara, age 17


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