It happened four years ago, but I have talked about it for the first time only 10 days ago.
I was 13, and I met this guy on Facebook. He told me he was 25.
I thought he was kind, smart, and also nice and pretty. I didn’t think he was evil, or that he could be a pedophile. I used to trust people, both young and old. I had also some family issues, so I used to get attached to people.
He asked me to meet, one day, because we live in the same city. I was stupid, I accepted.
We met after school, he came out of the building and took me in the car. We decided, the previous evening, to go to a cafe. But it didn’t happen.
He drove for at least a hour, and we got in a lonely place. I was terrified, because he showed to me a gun. After we had got there, he moved from his sit, to mine, and started doing whatever he wanted. I have never been so frightened in my life. I prayed him to stop, but he didn’t care. He cared only about his sexual pleasure. After he had finished, he started to beat me. I still don’t understand why. I felt exhausted, I wanted to end it all.
He ordered to me to put on my clothes again, and after, he brought me to the city, again. When I arrived home, I went to the shower and tried to clean and purify myself, but it was impossible.
Now, at 17, I have a lot of mental issues, including anxiety, panic attacks, borderline personality disorder. I have also many problems with body contact, and I used to abuse of drugs and alcohol.
After 4 years, I have found the bravery to talk to someone about what happened to me. This person is very important to me, and showed all his love to me.
I wish crimes like rape didn’t exist.
— Chiara, age 17
I pray for you sweetheart.
Dear Ciara – Thank you so much for writing your story on here. I am so proud of you for finding the strength and the courage to speak up. I know how difficult it can be. I am so glad to read that you have found someone to trust and to talk to. I really believe that is an important part of healing. I want you to know that the panic attacks and issues with touch are common symptoms of PTSD. You are not alone in feeling any of that. They are so hard to deal with but please know that many other survivors experience them as well. I know “purifying yourself” feels impossible but there is nothing dirty about you; only in what he did to you. You are strong and beautiful and I believe you have a successful and happy life ahead of you. Don’t give up. You have shown such strength by writing here and I know you have it in you. Wishing you peace and love, Alexis
I understand your wish, I’m so sorry for what you went through and at such a young age. But you survived and I’m so glad you did even though I don’t know you. I understand the urge to hide from it all with drugs and alcohol and its like a band aid effect. I hope you heal and know that you’re a survivor not a victim.