I went to a guys house who I had mutual friends with while my mom was out of town. He picked me up and we went to his house and played pool and talked. While I came over to just hangout and have fun it was summer. We went to his room and watch tv we both were laying together and just on our phones. Until Jen asks me “can this be our little secret” and in my head I’m thinking he doesn’t want anyone to know that Jen hung out with me. And I was curious as to why. We started making out which I was okay with and he started fingering me. (Before this I had only kissed a boy). He was kissing my neck and went lower and tried to unzip my shorts I just pulled his face to mine to show him I had no interest in anything more. He pined my arms down and was on top of me very forcefully. He unzipped my pants again and I said no but he didn’t it anyway and he was doing things to me and I froze. I felt like I couldn’t move. I don’t remember what I was thinking other than to act like I wanted to. So I was making morning noises. He pulled down his pants and without a condom he forced himself into me. I’m still frozen terrified and I didn’t know what to do. I’m mad at myself for not pushing him off of me and calling my friend to come pick me up. After he was done we got dressed and as we were leaving he said one thing “our little secret… right” at the time I didn’t think it was rape but as I think back he had done and said those thing she before and done it before I could tell this wasn’t his first time doing this. I went home and goodnight my friends that it was consensual And that it was fun. He hadn’t used a condom so I had to get a plan b and my friends mom told mine. She was furious and called me a whore and slut. She Also didn’t know anything. Until my big sister came over and calmly ask me what happened until I broke down and told. She was the first person I ever told the truth. It’s only been about a month since and i feel beyond lost and like it was my fault. How could I let this happen?