I was 15 when it happened, He was my best friend.. Me and him would always walk to our other friends house together, As we were walking he started touching me, nothing big or anything, just a tap here, or there. then he grabbed my hand and asked me to kiss him, I said no, but instead of letting go he held my hand tighter and pulled me closer, By now I was pulling away, he pulled me closer and started to kiss me, So.. I did what any 15 year old girl would do.. I kicked him in his crotch and started running away, But of course with my amazing luck, I fell and managed to sprain my ankle, He caught up to me with in a minute thanks to that, And punched me in my eye, He then picked me up and dragged me to an area behind a rock next to the road and started raping me.. I was still trying to fight back, but every time I did it would mean another punch, or kick, After about 10 minutes of fighting, I had given up. My body went limp and that was it. once he finished he grabbed my head, smashed it against the rock, kicked me in the ribs, then walked away.
I was still conscious, I knew I needed to move and get help, but I just didn’t see the point, so I waited, I just stayed on the ground behind a rock for hours, until my friend that we were going to see in the first place found me, and took me to a hospital.
Turned out I had a concussion, 3 cracked ribs, sprained ankle, black eye, my head was bleeding, and I had a fairly large cut on my upper thigh. Sadly this was only physical problems..
Over the next couple of months I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, I kept thinking how it was my fault, I should of fought harder. I grew depressed, and suicidal thoughts were nice company.. Panic/anxiety attacks became a normal thing, Flashbacks, Shame, Guilt, Nightmares, All of them. And very few people would believe me when I said it happened.Getting called a slut, and a whore was horrid. I couldn’t find a way to fix myself no matter how hard I tried, And it was driving me insane. But somehow I managed, and I can say now, I am happy.
I am 18 now, It has only been 3 years, yes. But I am doing fairly well, I have family that loves me, friends that support me, And attempting to make a career as a comedian. I still don’t trust people, I’m not sure if that’s something I’ll ever fully get back, I still get anxiety and panic attacks, But no where near as often. Flashbacks and nightmares sometimes, but they’re better aswell. I can say I’m happy, which if you asked me 3 years ago I wouldn’t be able to answer. I don’t tell people, in fact, I think this is the most detailed I’ve been since it happened. but I want to share my story, not for pity, but just to share.
Thank you for reading this, If you went through something similar I promise you’re amazing.
-Row
I am so sorry you had to endure this horrific ordeal. It is insane that the people who we think we can trust because they are our friends would be the first to betray us. I know this all to well. We have to encourage each other to speak up and speak out so hopefully we can end violence against women. You are very brave for sharing your sorry and it is only right that I spread a positive word as it was spread to me.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. You will help a lot of people with your bravery and courage. You have traveled to the other side of healing and it is empowering to read about. Thank you so much.